Beth's Breast Cancer Blog

what to gift your favorite cancer patient

2011-03-21T12:40:00.002-04:00

I'm working on year three as a cancer survivor and all is well!

I've become the go-to person for cancer treatment gift giving ideas. I thought this might be useful info to share with the world! These are things that I found helpful, they may or may not be appropriate for all.

SURGERY gifts...
- shawl or short soft sweater
- lip balm
- nice face cream
- vitamin E oil (good to rub on and reduce scars)
- soft tissues
- socks with the little sticky things on bottom to not slide
- hard candies
- lap desk
- blank notebook and/or pocket calendar to track doctors appointments
- thank you cards and stamps
- fun, spring garden or travel magazines

CHEMO gifts...
- big water bottle (side effects less intense if you super hydrate)
- lemon juice or alternate to flavor water
- ginger candy and ginger tea (great to combat nausea)
- hard candies for sore throat, chemo mouth
- lap blanket, travel pillow (although hosp blankets/pillows available)
- snacks, nuts, fruit, etc to bring on chemo day
- things to do during chemo, puzzles, magazines, knitting supplies, etc
- super soft hats, pretty scarves
- nice eye pencil to add detail when the lashes and eyebrows are gone
- mineral powder, big soft brush (blending face to hairless glowing orb)
- fun food coupons for the ride home (I'd crave milkshake or burger)
- nice shoulder bag to lug things to/from the chemo appointments

RADIATION gifts...
- Aquafor ointment, vitamin E oil, and sometimes olive oil for skin
- pretty hot or cold cup (daily ride to hospital)
- champagne to celebrate end of treatment!

Final Update... for now...

2008-07-24T13:50:00.006-04:00

I've decided to let this blog slide into a state of limbo... I may pop back in every once and a while with tiny updates as I settle into a routine of follow-up mammo, mri, and oncology appointments but for the most part I'll just let it stand as is. I'll be starting a new blog for my website, beeboo, as I've enjoyed the simplicity of this online journal. If you want to see how I'm doing post breast cancer feel free to visit me at bethmellor.blogspot.com

Time has flown since I've completing cancer treatment. My energy level is back, as close to 100% as I'll get. I still get twinges of pain and aches on the botched surgery side but was told this would linger on... My hair WAS back in a weird, curly, gray, teddy bear texture so I went last night to get a fresh buzz. If nothing else the breast cancer has given me a new look as I'm most comfortable now with this close cropped cut. Thank you BC. The little "about me" photo to the right is how I hope I'll look for a long time to come.

If you're new to this blog because you've been diagnosed with breast cancer or know someone who has please feel free to dig in. Breakdown of the blog archive if you want to read up on a specific section: My initial diagnosis was in October, November contains dialog of the botched surgery (not at all normal for breast cancer patients!), December is the beginning of chemo, January & March are all chemo. The port was removed in April, radiation in May & June. Please feel free to email me if you want to chat directly.

And I'll end this with my original "about me" section. I'll be updating and don't want to lose track of the original entry. All the best and enjoy every day! Beth

I received positive diagnosis of Breast Cancer on Thursday, October 25, 2007 and met with my Breast Cancer Team for the first time on Wednesday, October 31, 2007. Not a Happy Halloween… Surgery was Friday, November 2, 2007. I am diagnosed as stage II (T2N1). I was supposed to start chemo on Nov 28th but it's been delayed by a surgery mishap. New start date is Dec 13, every 2 weeks for 16 weeks. First 8 weeks is a mix of 2 chemo drugs, Adriamycin + Cytoxan. Second 8 weeks is Taxol alone. They give me an injection every day after chemo treatment of Neulasta to keep my blood count up. After chemo is complete I move on to Radiation and Hormone Therapy. My husband James, 2 kids Phoebe & Sander and I live in a wild-kingdom with too many animals to count. I have a BA in Illustration and am the staff artist at a MA Veterinary School. I create jewelry in my spare time. My father, Herb Maynard, passed away in 2005 after a long battle with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease.) My mother, Natalie was his primary caregiver. Throughout the illness she and Dad continued to make the most of every day, taking it as it came and relishing the time they had together. They are my inspiration.

Promised Photo

2008-06-27T14:58:00.002-04:00

I promised a photo from the radiation party. Here it is.... the resolution is so bad that hopefully the other ladies won't get upset with this going live on the web. We were drinking pink champagne in fluted glasses. Quite the party at 8 AM. I came close to flashing with open gown but I guess that's appropriate for a breast cancer radiation party pic.

All is well. I've met with the surgical oncologist who doesn't think he needs to see me for a year now, the medical oncologist who I'll visit with again in 3 months (checking effects of tamoxifen) then every 6 months, and I'll meet with the radiation oncologist next week. I'm scheduled for my first digital mammogram in November, then a breast MRI in April '09. This will cycle every 6 months, mammo, mri, mammo, mri,... for about... ever. Makes me feel good to know that they're all watching out for me. And you too! thanks for thinking of me and continuing to check in. xox Beth

Weee......

2008-06-16T15:32:00.003-04:00

I'm here, just busy with work, kids, etc. Radiation is DONE!!! I have to scan the photo the rad staff took of me and my morning radiation friends having some pink champagne to celebrate the last treatment. I'll get the pic up soon.

Appointment update. I saw the new surgeon for normal follow-up after radiation and he said all looks good so next check-up will be a year out. I see the medical oncologist June 23 (most likely start hormone treatment then.) I see the radiation oncologist July 3 for normal follow-up. I'll go for digital mammogram in November 08 and breast MRI in April 09, one or the other ever 6 months for....ever.... All is looking good.

I'm having a slight end of cancer treatment related mid life crisis where I'm contemplating buying a pink scooter named Stella for my commute to work. Hmmmm.....

And did I mention that I had no skin reaction to rad treatment? Nice. Off for now, thanks for thinking of me! Beth

Time flies when you're having fun!

2008-06-09T16:09:00.003-04:00

I'm on my last week of radiation treatment, wahoo! It's unbelievable how quickly the time has passed. My skin is a tiny bit rashy but not bad at all. The radiation technicians say I'm doing amazingly well. The treatments this week (and three days last week) are a "boost" to the cancer site rather than the all over breast treatment (first 25 days.) I noticed that the breast being treated has tightened and shrunk a bit with radiation treatment. I was told that this could be a side effect. It was a tiny bit smaller after surgery anyhow and seems much more noticeable to me now. The unaffected side is a bit larger and sits lower. I said to the radiation nurses this morning that perhaps we should hit the other side with the rads to even things up. Ha.

My hair is still coming in. It the texture of teddy bear fur on the top, Phoebe loves to rub it. It's maybe a quarter inch long and sticks up on top but lays flat on the sides.

I went away with some other Mom's to the cape for an overnight last Friday to Saturday. The weather was beautiful on the cape although oppressively hot back home. We went out to dinner... played games... walked a long beach on the bay side... picked up shells... did a bit of shopping... sat on an outer ocean side beach and watched some seals frolicking in the waves... wonderful get-away (thanks again Sue!) Then we had a long drive home back to slightly cranky hubbies who had to deal with slightly cranky kiddos in 95 degree heat and humidity. All was better after a good night sleep Saturday night.

Hair

2008-05-27T13:47:00.004-04:00

Updated photo 2 months out from the end of chemo. The pic was taken last week in the radiation oncology changing room after treatment. The hair is coming back... can you see it? Hair on head, eyebrows, eyelashes, yay, hair on legs, under arms, random bizarre chin hair, boo. Ah well, can't have your cake and eat it too.

A difficult week.

2008-05-20T14:41:00.003-04:00

I've lost count of the radiation treatments. I'll map it out on the calendar tonight. All is well. No side effects.

Phoebe had a reaction to poison ivy, or oak, or something on our Mother's Day hike up the mountain and was in and out of school last week with full face rash. It's cleared up now. Phew.

And a young Princeton couple was killed in a car accident on Mother's Day evening. They have 3 children, an older daughter and two young boys who are connected to Sander through baseball and school. The dad was one of Sander's baseball coaches. It's such a horrendous tragedy that it's difficult to wrap your mind around it. My heart aches for these kids.

Why we have healthcare...

2008-05-06T12:44:00.002-04:00

I just received a bill in the mail yesterday from the hospital. One month of chemo costs $25,465.40 so the four months of chemo treatment would total $101,861.60!!! This doesn't include surgical costs, radiation treatment, or hormone treatment. I received this invoice because my insurance company only made a partial payment so the hospital is looking for me to cover the remaining $18,846.10 - so much for that new car. Each single Neulasta shot is billed out at $9,423.05 - this is for one single 6 mg injection and I had 8 of them. I called the insurance people and have them looking it for me. The rep I spoke to seemed to think it's an invoicing glitch. Man, I hope so.

Update on the crazy eyebrows. I plucked them. Couldn't take it anymore. New baby brows growing as I type.

And, I've been off the sleeping pills for over a week now. I ran out of the pills and was going to call in a refill but thought I'd give it a shot on my own instead. It was very rough the first couple nights but now not so bad. I still wake up a few times a night but seem to be able to get myself back to sleep fairly easily. Yay.

5 down 28 to go.

2008-05-03T12:05:00.002-04:00

The first week of radiation was pretty uneventful. I have a great time slot, 7:45 AM, yay! My morning consists of getting myself and the kids up between 6 and 6:30. Making sure they're dressed, then getting myself out the door by 7 AM. James takes care of breakfast and bus, nice. No more detentions for tardiness on his watch. Parking at 7:40 AM is a breeze at UMass. I walk from garage to hospital and go straight down to B-level. Check in at the front desk of Rad Onc, pick up parking voucher (awesome) then go down to change into a gown. Wait and read the paper for a couple min in the patient waiting room before they come and find me. We head in to the treatment room. A couple minutes of small talk while positioning properly using tattoo dots then the nurses leave the room and radiation begins. I lay in place, the equipment turns around me shooting from 3 angles, 4 opening sizes so zoom in on the treatment location. The entire thing takes 5 minutes at the most. Then I go back to changing rooms, slather myself with some Aquaphor, dress, and head back to the garage. I'm to work anytime between 8:30 and 9 AM. Not bad. I put Vitamin E and Aquaphor on again after a shower at night. No reactions on my skin so far and energy level is good.

Every Friday I'll be seeing the Radiation Oncologist after treatment. Yesterday was quick as it's early on, all looks good, no questions. I checked in to make sure my immune system is back up to speed and not at issue with radiation. I've had people concerned about being around me if they're ill. Dr. T. said all should be fine. Don't hug anyone that's obviously ill and wash hands often. I'd say this should be the rule for everyone. I think the problem is that I still look like a chemo patient so people are extra cautious around me. It still shocks me when I look in the mirror. My hair is really just starting to grow back. It's such a tiny amount of fuzz with my scalp still glowing through. The kids like rubbing my head, maybe it'll bring good luck.

I'm starting to see something happening around my eyebrows as well, thank God. I think I missed those more than the hair on my head. I had a few that didn't fall out but they're my crazy long eyebrow hairs, the ones I'd normally pluck or trim. I contemplated pulling them all out but don't think I could face myself with completely naked brows.

I worked a full week last week. The great morning appointment time helps. I left a bit early yesterday afternoon. We raced to see Ironman (Phoebe's new favorite movie) then to the school for Girl Scout Family Bingo. This morning was Sander's first baseball game. It was FREEZING out. Lack of hair is seriously easier to deal with in warm weather than cold. I wore a baseball cap to keep the heat in but needed fleece for ears and neck. I spent most of the game wrapped in a blanket or in James' truck with heat running. After the game it was back to the house for a long hot shower. Ahhh, much better now. Today Phoebe has a massive project in the works and I may clean the kitchen then head in to the studio. The kids want to see Ironman AGAIN with James. Tomorrow we go in to West Roxbury to help Susie celebrate her birthday.

Happy Birthday Sue!

Lazy Days... or Not

2008-04-23T17:45:00.003-04:00

I'm taking the week off from work and would love to say I'm just lazing round the house. But, project dealines are up at work so I'm putting a few hours in from home each day. Good to meet deadines if possible and nice to be able to work from home with gas prices the way they are!

It's been beautiful outside so I've also been enjoying yardwork. My big plan (ha) was to clean up inside of the house. Although I've made a couple clean spots it's no where near what I was envisioning.

I'm feeling back up to speed from the surgery last week. The incision is healing nicely. It's in the same spot as the previous port scar. Nice not to add a new one. I had taken the dressing off after 2 days because it was beginning to blister under the tape edges. What is up with me and surgical tape? A bit sore and red at first (the incision, not the tape marks) but I've been slathering it with antibiotic so much better now.

The house is feeling very quiet with Sander away at Nature's Classroom for the week. I'm hoping to dig into his room tomorrow. Love to have it clean and organized for when he gets home.

I feel like I'm having a nice reprieve this week from doctors and hospitals, 'til Friday. 1st (fake) radiation on Friday (full set-up with x-rays rather than rads.) Next week it starts for real. Mondays-Fridays for 33 (week)days. What fun. The countdown begins...

Home Safe & Sound

2008-04-17T12:23:00.003-04:00

Writing from home, shocking to be able to have surgery and come home again same day. Quick and easy, the way day surgery should be!

Goodbye to Port!

2008-04-17T10:26:00.002-04:00

Hello -- this is Lisa writing. I just talked with Beth at the hospital and she is happy to let you all know that the port-a-cath removal was quick and easy. She's in the surgical recovery area and expects to go home soon. She sounded upbeat and relieved that the surgery had gone well. We love you, Beth!

Nothing

2008-04-15T19:04:00.003-04:00

The new surgical oncologist felt nothing! So it's a go for Thursday port removal. Wahoo!

I would be overwhelmingly happy but I'm too exhausted. The appointment was scheduled for 4 PM and we didn't see him until close to 6 PM. He was stuck in surgery... fitting place for a surgeon I guess. Mom met me at the breast center to keep me company and be a second set of ears. Great to have the company for appointment, walk to cafeteria while waiting, treated by Mom to yummy pomegranate/pear juice and parking fee, thanks Mom!

What was most interesting to me beyond no lump was being informed that the breast center surgeons will no longer perform port-a-cath surgeries. It'll all be done by radiologists now. The new surgeon (who really is a very nice guy) said this is to protect the surgeons from all the excess radiation. Hmmmm...... that's my "ask a bitter woman" thought of the day.

Off to a quick Girl Scout leader meeting then sleep.... back in the saddle tomorrow but no Dr's appointments. Wahoo again!

Appointment Update

2008-04-15T07:44:00.002-04:00

Testing complete for the port removal on Thusday. It'll be done in the interventional radiology suite through the surgical unit. I won't know the time until they call on Wed. I can't eat or drink after midnight so hopefully it'll be early in the day. The paperwork they'd given me is to prepare for an angiogram. I'll need someone to drive me home (James or Mom), bed rest for 6 hrs then limit activity including driving for 24 hrs. Hmmm.... I was planning on working Friday (and some of Thursday if I could) then taking next week off during the kids vaca to clean the house. Plans may change.

The radiation oncology appointment yesterday afternoon went fairly smoothly. Man, I will NEVER get a tattoo. The did 6 itty bitty spots on me as markers and it was quite painful. I'm all set up and ready to go. First appointment on Friday April 25th they'll test the set up with x-ray instead of radiation. Then we go for real on Monday the 28th every weekday morning for 6 1/2 weeks. None of these scheduled yet but I did stress to them that I have to schedule in the AM. Yesterdays 2 PM appointment took 2 laps around the huge parking garage to find a free space and that was after following someone walking to their car. That happening every day would add a bit of stress to my life.

Today I go to meet the new surgeon and hopefully have him tell me this thing under my arm is all related to surgical healing and nothing to worry about. Work first and getting the kids out the door on time for school so they don't have any more detentions. Bye for now!

Friday. Whew.

2008-04-11T10:54:00.005-04:00

TGIF. I'm sitting here at work. 2 calls within the past hour that doctors appointments have been rescheduled and a work related email exchange that hit me the wrong way. I'd blogged here with details but have since removed it... sorry if you visited during this editing frenzy and also sorry if you didn't visit earlier, have no idea what I'm talking about, and are totally confused. I'm having a nice cuppa tea and am feeling much better now.

So, my radiation oncology appointment from today has been rescheduled to Monday afternoon. This means I go to pre-op testing at one hospital on Monday then drive to the other hospital for the radiation appointment. Fun. My appointment with the surgical oncologist that had already been rescheduled once has been rescheduled again from Wed afternoon to Tuesday afternoon. Wed is free now. Thurs I'm still scheduled for port removal. Hopefully these appointment times will stick.

Hiya

2008-04-09T13:24:00.004-04:00

Sorry for delay in posting. I'm dealing with some stress completely unrelated to cancer. On a positive note in attempt to relieve this stress I've gotten a family membership to the Y. The kids and I have been using the Wellness Center which is a huge fitness center (10 years old and up are trained to use the space, perfect!) Phoebe and Sander are very excited. I went through training with the kids and although I'm not sure I'll use the weight room other than spotting the kiddos but the aerobic equipment looks promising. Plus not one but two indoor pools which seem to get very busy. First time in the pool I scared enough small children away with lack of hair, hat, or wig that we had plenty of room to swim.

All is well with treatment. I was mixed up on the dates in the schedule below. The pre-testing for the port removal isn't until the 14th at Noon, not the 4th as previously mentioned. It's been a uneventful week this week but next picks the pace up again with the pre-op test (14th), meeting new surgical oncologist (16th), port removal surgery (17th), as well an early dinner out with friends (16th) and a girl scout meeting (18th). Slightly overbooked but hopefully I'll get through the week. I'm crossing fingers that the port removal is an ultra quick office visit but the scheduled pre-op testing makes me think otherwise.

Hot flashes are alive and well. I tried sleeping over the weekend without a pill. I've decided that the reason I sleep so well with drugs is that the pill allows me to sleep through the hot flashes. The test night without I was tossing covers then pulling them back on every 15 minutes. Not a solid night sleep but I'll try again this weekend. And no hair yet. I gave my head a final shave over the weekend. I had a bizarre mix of no hair and a few stragglers. Now my scalp has a clean, smooth surface for a new batch to grow in. James is hoping for red and curly. I'll be happy with anything.

SURPRISE!

2008-03-31T06:52:00.002-04:00

Andy surprised me with a end of chemo party at work on Friday. I don't think I have ever been so surprised in my life! He asked me to help with some equipment across the hall in a little conference room and when I walked it the room was full of people, pink pom-poms, table cloth, no more chemo cake, t-shirt to match. Fabulous chili for lunch. It was really an amazing thing to plan. I never guessed and was in shock for most of the party. At one point I melted down but managed to pull myself together again (it'd been a rough week). Bit of a roller-coaster of emotions. Everyone at work is so supportive and Andy is amazing. I was gifted some beautiful flowers as well which I'm doing my best to keep alive. Cake for breakfast then off to work. I'll add more party details later. All the best. Beth

Radiation Oncology

2008-03-28T08:03:00.002-04:00

The appointment yesterday ended up being an informational meeting. So the schedule is.... presurgical April 4. Radiation Oncology initial set-up April 11. Port flush (just in case) and appointment with new surgeon April 16. Surgery to remove port April 17. Radiation onc tentatively scheduled to begin April 28 (time TBA) for 33 days so 6.5 weeks. Looks like the radiation will go for the month of May half way thru June. Summer will be nice this year. I meet with the Medical Oncologist in 3 months then have alternating mammograms and breast MRI's every 6 months for the rest of my life. Hormone therapy starts when radiation oncology is complete. Tamoxifin (sp?) for five years. That's the scoop. Off to work. Beth

Next Step Radiation

2008-03-27T12:52:00.005-04:00

I'm leaving work in a few minutes for my first appointment with the Radiation Oncologist. I'm looking forward to starting this next step but still feeling a bit under the weather from chemo last week. Better than yesterday which was better than the day before but still not 100%. Hopefully by the weekend my body will be cooperating with me.

I didn't update after our return from Maine last weekend. The drive home was nice. The Goldenrod was closed which was sad. I would have loved to wander in for taffy but my teeth probably don't need that stress. I worked there when I was 16 and James spent a summer or two in York Beach during and after high school as well. The ride was nice. Sunny. We followed the coast through York, by Nubble Light, Long Sands, through York Harbor before hitting the highway home.

I'll update a bit later with details of the Radiation appointment. Crossing fingers that all goes smoothly.

Ugh.

2008-03-25T15:50:00.002-04:00

I started getting tired on the ride home from Maine Saturday afternoon and was fairly useless on Easter Sunday. I've been at work Monday and Tuesday (today) but am feeling badly. Tired. Headache. Aches in arms, legs, hips, back. Ugh.

Celebration!

2008-03-22T09:32:00.002-04:00

Last chemo on Thursday (hopefully ever!) Susie brought a perfect size bottle of champagne. She popped the cork (very funny as neither of us had ever opened a bottle of champagne before) and we polished it off during the last hour of the taxol drip, dilute the poison a bit. They want me to stay hydrated! We met Linda after leaving the cancer center for an early light dinner and called Lisa and visited for a bit by speaker phone. All the sisters together.

Work Friday AM. I pushed the neulasta shot up by a couple hours so James and the kids and I could drive up to Ogunquit, ME for a celebratory mini-vaca. One overnight at a nice hotel. We enjoyed the indoor pool and hot tub last night then went to dinner at Mikes Clam Shack. Yum. Came back and tried to sleep. 6 AM out for some complimentary hotel coffee and hot choc then headed down to the beach for low tide. It was FREEZING but fun. We drove down Ocean St to the parking lot/boardwalk that I always beached at when I was a kid. We walked down to low tide then back up to the dunes to get out of the wind. Picked up armloads of shells then piled back in the car. Back to the hotel for another swim & soak in the spa. Now we're showering off before going to a late breakfast. I think we may drive down to Perkins Cove for a bit of a reverse walk on the Marginal Way. It should be high tide by then so maybe some fun waves to watch crashing on the rocks. On the drive home I wanted to swing through York to see if the Goldenrod is open for taffy. James doubts it but I think maybe on early spring weekends. I worked there almost 30 years ago as a candy shop girl. Sweat shop at the time but the memories sweeten with warm taffy.

Thanks for checking in. All is well. No new side effects and feeling pretty good. I'll fill in with the medical stuff when I get back home. Have a great weekend! Beth

Tiny Update

2008-03-17T14:33:00.002-04:00

Quick update from work. I'm fighting Verizon at home as the internet connection isn't working so couldn't update on the weekend. Sorry. I'm doing well, both kids sick on my behalf. No down days with chemo this time. Knocking wood that the same will stand for this last and final chemo on Thurs. My side effects have been limited to hot flashes and numbing of fingers and feet. The feet have been for a bit, the fingers are fairly new. It's cold numbness which the longest, hottest shower or hanging out for hours on end by the wood stove won't shake. Hot flashes don't seem to warm up the fingers or toes.... damn. Would be nice if these things would compliment each other.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2008-03-10T14:59:00.004-04:00

An ode to Dad and Clint Eastwood....

The Good - Only one chemo treatment left! My friend Laura brought me to chemo #7 and made the treatment fly by. Good food, great conversation, a nice day all in all. Thank you Laura! My sister Susan is going to spend the day with me for chemo #8. I asked the oncologist if I could bring a bottle of champagne to this last chemo appointment. She said, hmmm.... no one's ever asked that before but I don't see why not. As long as we're quiet. We'll have to look for a screw top bottle or stealth cork. Can't wait.

The Bad - I finally received a letter back from the director of patient services at UMass. James and I had both written formal complaints about the surgical nighmare in November, letters written in early January. I feel no satisfaction after receiving this reply. If anything I feel more stressed. They support her fully of course. I'll tuck it away and revisit/rethink after all of my treatment is complete. Right now I need to keep my energy positive.

The Ugly - I don't know if I'd mentioned that I have an exam with oncologist or nurse practitioner prior to every chemo treatment. They'd always been fairly uneventful. However, at chemo #7 my oncologist felt something questionable on the same side as the previous surgery/lumpectomy. She believes its fluid and wants me to see the surgeon to have it aspirated. She mentioned scheduling this appointment with the surgeon who'd performed the lumpectomy and portacath placement. HA. So they've scheduled me with a new surgeon, the director of the breast clinic in fact, this is good. The appointment isn't until mid-April, hmmm, this is bad. I know I should think positively as Dr. E., my oncologist, said it can be quite common to find fluid near the surgical spot. But it's going to weigh heavily on my brain until the appointment is over and the test results are in, back to ugly.

Edited to end on a positive note. I had a nice weekend and I'm feeling fairly well. Lot's of hot flashes and slightly achy but manageable. I was out and about with the kiddos on Saturday running errands including buying flax seed at Trader Joes for aforementioned hot flashes. I had a quiet day around the house yesterday then visits from two sister-in-laws, one brother-in-law, and two nieces (hi Jen & Rachie, love you!) for dinner last night. We had chili which was absolutely perfect (thanks Charlene!). I need spicy foods these days to get rid of the ick-chemo-mouth (technical term as James would say.) It was a good weekend all-in-all.

Two Weeks and Counting

2008-03-05T15:45:00.003-05:00

I was just thinking today that I have chemo tomorrow then again in two weeks and that's it. The end... of chemo anyway.... pretty cool. I'm feeling well. I was tired last night but it could have been the glass of wine. I'm just leaving the office for the day. Tonight I need to swing by the library and pick up a book for Sander, stop by Mom's house to check messages (Hi Mom!), drop off GS cookie things with my cookie Mom (Hi Christine!) and then pick up dinner. Someone had given James a gift certificate so we're splurging on take-out. Fun. Tomorrow I think my friend Laura is spending the day with me at the hospital. Need to call tonight to confirm. (Hi Laura!) Hopefully tomorrow will be uneventful. I'll let you know.

Tough Week Good Weekend

2008-03-02T16:28:00.002-05:00

I had a difficult week. I think I was getting a little too cocky about feeling well with Taxol. Thursday body aches hit with a vengeance. I had a screaming headache and really bad aches in legs and hips. I took Ibuprofen, overlapped with Tylenol, then finally when that didn't help found my last Oxycodone from surgery. That dulled the pain when nothing else worked. Work on Thursday was horrible. I was sitting at my computer so miserable. It was difficult to stick it out but I managed somehow. I can't say that I got much accomplished that day. Friday was ok and the weekend was better. I went food shopping with the kids on Friday night, baked bread on Saturday, then today finished taxes and a set of jewelry (special order from December - sheesh.)

Tomorrow it's back to work Mon - Wed then this Thursday is my second-to-last chemo appointment. Wahoo! Although I have to admit that I'm not looking forward to the next level up of achiness. Crossing fingers that last Thurs was a fluke. But, just in case I'll talk to the doc about a fresh back-up script.
.

Finally

2008-02-26T11:14:00.002-05:00

I finally made it up to the mountain for a few runs with Sander last night. It was nice and warm (when we started) and very fun. We only took 3 runs which was the perfect number. Sander was very proud that he only fell once on the last one and wants to go back every night. We'll see.... don't know about every night but definitely feel like some Spring skiing will be good for the soul and body if the weather stays nice.

Still Kickin'

2008-02-24T19:36:00.004-05:00

Still here, still kickin'.... 6 chemo treatments down and 2 to go. All scheduled and will be done before you know it. I was just thinking again today how it's good for me to be going through all this work, kids, and a hectic house. No time to sit and dwell on the disease and treatment.

Vacation week last week for the kids. Phoebe had a busy social schedule. Sander had a couple play dates then came down with 103 fever. Chemo was pretty uneventful on Thursday. I had a half dose of Benedryl after asking for no Benedryl. I didn't like at the last appointment (1st Taxol.) The Benedryl made me sleepy/groggy for the full day. I was much better this time with half dose. Friday I worked half day then went early for the Neulasta shot. A snow storm was rolling in and I didn't want to get caught in it. We were pretty low key Friday night and Saturday. I did a bit of cleaning around the house and catered to a sick kid. Made a couple clean spots while cleaning. Cool.

Last night I'd run out of sleeping pills so tried to make do without. I lay in bed until 3ish just trying to rest. Being happy in bed. Resting. Synchronizing my breathing with Greta (our german shepherd who sleeps next to my bed.) I slept soundly from about 3-7 AM. I woke Phoebe up at 7 to finish some homework for school tomorrow. Evil Mom. We only had all week to get it done. She was getting picked up at 9 AM for the water park. She'd come in at midnight from a birthday outing in Boston. She wasn't overly happy with being woken early. I cleaned her room while she worked on homework. Once she was out the door Sander and I checked out the movie times. We made some popcorn to smuggle in to the theater and were out the door.

I've been taking Ibuprofen still for pain. Picked up a new script of sleeping pills. I may try to go without on weekends but feel like I still need them on work nights. Scary to be driving around these snowy New England roads with no sleep. My Mom has been having sympathy sleepless nights. Funny that when I don't sleep she hasn't either and visa versa. We're in sync.

Sander and I visited with Mom and sisters, Linda & Sue, this afternoon after our movie and ice cream. Sue had brought some wonderful food for dinner. (So happy to have my appetite back!) Linda pulled it all together while Sander, Mom, Sue & I played dominos. Fun day all in all. Now we're back home and waiting for Phoebe to be dropped off. I think we all need an early night. Back to school tomorrow.

Another Quiet Weekend

2008-02-17T16:19:00.003-05:00

Quiet days here in the Mellor house which is a good. I worked a full week last week (think I mentioned that already) and had a girl scout meeting on Friday night. Saturday I drove Sander to a friends house for an overnight then had a pretty quiet day. Phoebe made dinner for James and I choosing an amazing "Dream Dinner" gifted to us by the Garcia family (thank you again for the freezer full!!!) then went next door to babysit for the neighbors. James and I watched "Thank You for Smoking", funny movie I'd picked up at the library. Today was quiet as well. Hung out around the house then went to pick Sander back up from the sleep over. Now I'm contemplating what's best on plate for tonight's dinner.

My eyes and nose have still been fairly weepy. What's up with that? Supposed to have stopped by now I think. My eyebrows are looking very thin and most of the lashes are toast. Although I have people congratulating me on having any brows left at all so I shouldn't complain too much. This Thursday I go for chemo #6, # 7 is already scheduled, and I make the appointment for #8. It'll be the end of scheduling chemo appointments hopefully forever. Sweet.

I was actually going to run up to the Mountain tonight, seriously, but when I swung by to check it out on the way home from pick up of Sander there were massive lines, full parking lots, and freezing rain just hitting my windshield. Ah well, wasn't meant to be... tonight... the season's not over yet.

Happy

2008-02-14T16:15:00.001-05:00

Happy Valentines Day! Beth

Working away....

2008-02-13T15:35:00.002-05:00

Hi, Sorry about not posting. Feeling well from taxol, been working and the days got away from me. I didn't have the severe exhaustion on the Monday after as I'd had from the AC (first four chemo sessions) just a bit tired at the end of each day. I was pretty low key on the weekend. Can't recall exactly what I'd done but don't think it was anything huge. I felt good on Monday so drove myself in to work. I wasn't 100% but was some kind of presence in the office. Worked again yesterday and today and tomorrow and Friday. An actual full week, amazing! No severe bone, muscle, or joint pain. I took Ibuprofen as recommended over the weekend just in case. No need for anti-nausea meds. No tingling or numbing in hands and feet. I've been told it might be cumulative so may experience some of this with the next few chemo sessions. Crossing fingers NOT. I'll try to post with something more exciting soon but right now just feel like I'm plodding along. Counting down until it's all over.

Taxol #1, Chemo #5....

2008-02-07T18:11:00.000-05:00

5 down and 3 to go. Hurrah. Taxol makes for a long day. Arrived with Mom at the hosp a bit after 8:30 AM. Waiting room..... Didn't get port tapped until 9:30 AM. Waiting room..... Saw NP for quick check-up. Waiting room..... Back in chemo cubby a bit before 11 AM. Wait in cubby..... Pre-chemo meds given a bit before noon. Taxol drip started a bit after noon. 3 hour drip!

You get benedryl as part of the pre-chemo med mix. It made me feel very sleepy. I'm still feeling tired now but think it is a combination of chemo and long day. Mom went to cafeteria in AM and for coffee. I asked for hot choc. She bought it and had added some cream. Yum. Slept for an hour. Then, Mom went back to cafeteria for soup. Chicken noodle with a nice big piece of bread and butter. Yum again. Lots of water during chemo to flush out the chemicals. Kinda defeats the purpose of getting the drugs dripped in if you immediately flush them away but what the heck, it's what they tell you to do. So I had to pee every 15 minutes. Bit of a pain when you're dragging around a huge IV pole.

Home again now. Drinking a mix of water, lemon juice, and ultra-good-for-me-green-tea-extract that my pal Loan set me up with. Helping to get rid of all the nasty chemo toxins and keep me healthy and strong. I've been trying to be good and add this to my water after chemo. She also dropped by some chix soup and chili just today. Fabulous. Chili in the freezer and chix soup cooking up for dinner tonight. With a piece of Themia's spinach pie (hoarded in the freezer from previous gift) added to the mix it's a perfect dinner. My appetite it good right now. I've been told that nausea could still present itself with taxol so have been told to take zofran tonight, tomorrow AM, tomorrow PM and see how it goes.

The NP also wants me to take rounds of ibuprofen 3X day starting Sat. Deep bone ache can be a problem and she's wondering if I'm going to be affected because I have continuing deep ache w/surgical glitch side. I'm happy to take just in case.... certainly don't need more deep bone ache.

All for now. Thanks for the birthday greetings! It was a nice day and as I said in comment section am hoping it'll be an even better birthday year. All up from here! xox Beth

Happy Birthday to Beth!

2008-02-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

Hi, it's Lisa sneaking into Beth's blog to wish her a very happy birthday and to encourage all her friends and family to do the same. Love you Beth!

Road Trip

2008-02-02T07:57:00.000-05:00

Taking the kids and Mom on a road trip today to see sister Sue in Boston. We're contemplating the Science Museum, Garment District then dinner out. I'm feeling pretty good this AM so hope my energy will last the day. I'll be stealth in my wig. Looking forward to a fun day out and about.

The previous week went well after my low day on Monday. Each day was better than the last. Tues low energy but able to go to work. Wed bit better. Thurs and Fri fairly normal days. I should be fine through my next treatment on Thursday then we'll see what the new drug brings. My eyes are still a bit watery but I can use liner and mascara (on what's left of lashes) on the top lid so still able to look slightly girly.

My head feels good shaved. It makes sleeping nice. No sticking to pillow and head can stay cool if needed without the hat.

All for now. Off to wake the masses.... Enjoy your day!

Wiped Out

2008-01-28T09:31:00.000-05:00

We hung out yesterday around the house. Quiet day. I cooked a turkey so we had the Thanksgiving Dinner I'd missed when in hospital w/surgery. Then I slept horribly last night waking up every half hour or so.... I thought Turkey was supposed to make you more tired. Pretty bad when you want to take a nap first thing in the AM. So no surprise that I'm working from home today. We'll see how much I can get accomplished.

Wig and Weekend Update

2008-01-26T15:24:00.000-05:00

Quick shot of the wig from Friday Wig Day, hat and no hat. I love it with the hat (gift from sister Sue.) James said I look like a French Revolutionary. I'm ok with that!

Doing ok today, no nausea, eyes not so weepy, starting to get a bit tired. I had to run Sander to the Dr's this AM for a strep test. Not strep. We stopped on the way home for choc malted shakes at Friendlies and extra icecream to make shakes at home. Yum. All set for a weekend recovery with cool things on the throat.

Now Phoebe wants to go buy red henna. Cousin Sarah cut her hair last night, cute, all layered. I think she wants maximum impact for school on Monday. We'll see if I can maintain for a second drive to Worcester.

Official Wear your Wig Day

2008-01-25T06:45:00.000-05:00

Did you all know that today is the official "Wear your Wig to Work Day" as seen at the website http://www.manodamno.com/. Very cool! Thanks for letting me know Gabrielle by comment in the Wig or No Wig posting. Sounds like a fun event and I'll have to keep it on my calendar yearly even when I have hair again.... although.... thinking what fun it would be to stay with the crew cut and keep a couple wigs around for when I feel like hair, forever. And too bad I hadn't heard about the Official Wig to Work Day a couple days ago. I could have posted earlier and you all could have worn wigs for the day. I'll try to take a pic today although not a true glam shot with puffy unpainted eyes, hmmm. I'll come up with something.

Last AC

2008-01-24T15:23:00.000-05:00

Just back from my last Adriamycin + Cytoxan treatment. This means I'm half way through, hurrah! I found out that the watery, swollen eye thing is a side effect of Cytoxan and shouldn't be an issue when I switch to Taxol. But this means that it might last the next couple weeks. Kind of a pain. Hard to feel girly with no hair AND no eye make-up. The onc doc also agreed that the chest tension/pain is related to ongoing healing from the chest surgery. No answer on why the port is feeling different.

James kept me company today and it went fairly quickly. We were done at the onc clinic by noon. Fabulous! The port didn't present any problems. My blood work was fine. Weight has stayed the same, no loss, no gain. All good. I was hungry when we got to the clinic so James went on a mission to the cafeteria. Then, I was hungry again leaving the clinic so called in a pizza to pick up on the way home. Hawaiian. Delicious. I ate 2 pieces then took a long hot shower. Not a bad afternoon.

I'm feeling like the exhaustion is going to hit hard this time as I'm feeling wiped already. I don't think there's anything on our plate for the weekend beyond a hair appointment for Phoebe tomorrow afternoon. The kids wanted a dinner out and I tentatively said tomorrow night but we'll have to see how things progress. Might be fun to be out and about. Friday is wig day after all.

Last of First Set

2008-01-23T14:56:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I go in for the 4th AC treatment so will officially be half way through. I've been struggling for the past few days with stressed, watery, and sore eyes. Always something. I've been using eye drops without much success. Hopefully when I see the onc doc tomorrow she'll have something better. Longer update soon, thanks for checking in.

Wig or No Wig

2008-01-18T07:02:00.000-05:00

Last Friday I declared it "Wig Day" and wore my wig to work. It was actually fun. My new best friend at work, Bob (hi Bob) said I looked like a cross between Katie Holmes and Angelina Jolie. Can't be all that bad. So today will be the second official "Wear Your Wig to Work Day". I was planning on wearing it tonight as well when we take the girl scout troop to the movies. It is easy to blend into a crowd when you have simulated hair.

Yesterday I was extremely beat. I've been noticing a tight feeling in my chest and dull pain with extremely deep breathing over the past few days. I've also noticed that I feel the portacath more when I'm sleeping at night. Moving around, rolling over, feels like it's shifted. All this with the fact that they had issues accessing it last week were sitting heavily on my brain. I emailed my primary care physician, she called me back, and after chatting for a bit we decided to run some tests to make sure I didn't have any blood clot issues. She managed to get me an urgent care appointment and paperwork for a chest x-ray and blood test which if positive shows possibility of clots so more tests would be needed. The blood test came back negative (phew) and the chest x-ray showed no difference than previous. No shift in portacath placement and lungs look good. They can see scarring and light fluid in base of left lung but consistent with previous. The doctor suggested that it can be continuing pressure/pain related to healing muscle, bone, etc from chest tubes and thoradectomy.

I came home thankful that it was nothing. I told James that I feel like I'm becoming a hypochondriac. With every little ache, pain, and twinge I'm thinking fluid in lungs, internal bleeding, and now blood clots. Not so much the cancer surprisingly. James' opinion is that the medical system has made me a hypochondriac. I wasn't like this before. So thanks again to the surgeon for adding this new dimension to my life (ha, ha) and honestly thanks to my primary care for listening and taking my concerns so seriously.

Weekend Update

2008-01-15T06:58:00.000-05:00

The weekend went fairly well. I was tired but nausea was well controlled with meds, phew. Saturday I took down the Christmas tree and picked up the house a bit then ran out of steam. Sunday I was pretty worn out but managed to make a batch of bread. Monday was a big snow day. I think we must have gotten at least a foot of snow. I was still pretty tired and also came down with an intestinal bug that the kids had brought home from school. What fun. I'm still dealing with that today so am working out of house. The kids are back in school after missing a couple days each last week. Hopefully they won't bring any new bugs home.

Side effect update. I learned from the nurse practitioner at chemo on Thurs that my poor eyesight caused by watery eyes and runny nose that I've been blaming on a cold could be side effects. My body over compensating for being dried out by the chemo meds. She recommended saline eye drops and a nasal mist. The eye drops feel good, nose still running but hopefully that'll stop soon. It's a funny runny nose. I'd read that this could happen with nose hair loss. Very spontaneous. Leaning over to give James a kiss last night and dripped onto him... no warning.... too much information for some I'm sure. Also have some soreness in the back of my throat so I'm using the miracle mouth wash to try an block it from getting worse. This on top of the intestinal bug is making me very whiny. I'm hoping with another fairly restful day today that by tomorrow I'll be back on track.

Chemo Brain

2008-01-10T17:26:00.000-05:00

Andy leaving work yesterday.... "I guess I won't see you tomorrow"
Me.... "Why, what's up? Are you off"
Andy.... "Chemo?!?"

So, chemo today went well today. Mom drove me in and kept me company. Small issue with accessing port (didn't want to give up any blood) so was juiced up with Heparin to break up any potential clots and I was good to go. This delayed things a bit so even though we were in at 8:30 AM we didn't get out of there until 2 PM. We stopped at Starbucks on the way home for a Chai-Latte to compensate. Yum.

Phoebe made it to school today after being home 2 days with a light fever. So Sander decided to be sick. He's come down with a stomach bug. I figure I'm on so many different anti-nausea drugs that I'm safe.

Monday Bloody Monday

2008-01-07T13:23:00.000-05:00

Blew my nose on the way into work today and got a nose bleed. What's up with that? Luckily I had a full box of tissues in the car so was blotting and pinching to stop bleed while driving. Not terribly safe and probably should have pulled over. New side-effect or dry heat from wood stove?

No skiing on Sunday either. The temp never got out of the 30s and I wanted it to be in the 50s like predicted. Plus my energy level hadn't stayed up. We'll get there sooner or later. I did go to the movies with the kids to see National Treasure 2. I liked it even better than the first one. Was a little twitchy sitting for the 2+ hrs but did well. Mom came along with us but went to see P.S. I Love You, then we ran some errands together. Nice day.

Today I'm at work and fading fast. I'm planning a visit to the pharmacy on the way home to try and straighten out my many scripts. I need to make sure I'm all set before chemo #3 on Thursday. I'm actually excited. With each one I get closer to the end.

Hair

2008-01-05T19:01:00.000-05:00

Showering today the hair started washing away, into my eyes, down my back. I tried to rub it all off but when I got out I'd only lost it in patches. Looked pretty bad. So, James spent the next hour or so shaving my head. Hmmmm, this is a new look. Very pale and shiny and small. Different. I definately liked the buzz better. It'll take some getting used to. I almost bought a henna tattoo kit at the Living Earth today but I think it would take way more than one kit to do an all over scalp tattoo. Hate to talk someone into doing it for me to run out half way. For now I'll brush on some of the mineral tint dust (too lazy to go check the actual name) that my sister Sue gave me to get rid of the glowing whiteness of it all.

They were all out of red henna so no hair treatment for Phoebe this weekend. Bummer. And, it being 5:30ish in the PM and me being fairly exhausted I'm wondering if I will be up for skiing tomorrow at 4ish. We'll see what the new day brings after, crossing fingers, a good nights sleep. I've promised the kiddos "National Treasure" in the AM at the very least. I don't think it'll be too tiring to sit in a theater for a couple hrs of mindless entertainment.

Setting Records

2008-01-04T14:54:00.000-05:00

I've actually worked 2 full days in a row! It's a miracle. And I'm still feeling pretty good. Now it's the weekend so I can rest, rejuvenate, see a movie, henna Phoebe's hair, maybe even take a couple runs at the mountain... I told my primary care physician that I'd bought myself a bronze century pass so I can ski any day after 4 PM. She said, "I'm sure they'd give you your money back!" with a slightly shocked look on her face. But we chatted more about if I'm feeling well enough, why not? Good for me to be in the clean fresh air. She did recommend avoiding a ski lodge filled with stale air, colds, flus, etc. So, if it warms up a bit (in the forecast) and my energy level is high I may give it a shot. See you on the slopes!

And good news, my insurance company sent a letter saying they'd cover the full script of the anti-nausea drug that worked. But wait, bad news, the pharmacy is still bouncing it. What is up with this health care system? Ugh. I'm sure it'll all work out but hopefully before chemo on Thursday next week.

Back to Work

2008-01-02T09:23:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting at my workstation at Tufts Vet School and feeling pretty OK. Tired still (the last few days were lost to the couch) but the exhaustion seems manageable today. I have an appointment with my primary care physician midday to check my overall health. I was going to cancel but have a cough I can't kick so would like her to listen to my lungs. My med oncologist called on Monday to ask me to start taking iron again as it looked low. Maybe that'll bring my energy level up a bit. The nausea was controllable over the weekend with the help of the extra "as needed" drugs. I'm still going to push for a full script of the new drug for next time. I'm hoping if I can take that the full weekend after chemo that nausea won't be an issue at all.

My internet service went down day before yesterday and I couldn't figure it out. Finally realized that I couldn't remember the last time I'd paid any bills.... pre-surgery?.... hmmm.... could that have something to do with it? I called in a payment to Verizon last night and hey, the internet service was functioning again this morning. Probably should check to see what other bills are kicking around the house. Amazing what slips through the cracks when you've got other things on your mind.

Haircuts and Birthdays

2007-12-29T11:31:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Mom! Off to help celebrate at her house in a bit with far away aunts, uncles, and cousins. I'm feeling fairly good from chemo still. The new nausea drug seems to be working although we'll see if it holds out for the weekend. My insurance company has decided that I only needed three pills although my doc had written the script for eight. If I'm feeling really poorly I can go pick up the other pills at full cost and pay for reimburse but right now I'm hanging in.... just tired.... so tired. I added a quick pic of my new do to the right and there's a little photo montage on the beeboo site as I wasn't sure how to add larger images here. Check it out on the journal page at http://www.beeboo.com/journal.htm a fun night was had by all! Thanks for visiting. Beth

2 Down 6 to Go

2007-12-27T14:27:00.000-05:00

Just back from chemo session #2. This one went well but a bit slow. We arrived at 9 AM, port accessed, blood taken, saw Dr. and discussed problems with previous weekend post chemo #1 and insomnia of last week. She gave me new scripts for sleep aid and third anti-nausea meds so I'm crossing fingers that my weekend will be better this time. We were in the chemo cubby by 10 AM and didn't start treatment until just after Noon due to a glitch mixing my cocktail at the Pharmacy (so said by the nurse.) I was planning on going in to work and hitching a ride home with Andy but when we didn't leave the hospital until close to 1:30 PM it just didn't make sense. Tomorrow I'm planning on driving myself in to work in the AM and to my Neulasta shot at 1 PM. I'm crossing fingers that I'll be able to have an almost normal work week next week.

Christmas was nice but hectic and exhausting. My energy level is just so damn low. The kids did more around the house and James kicked it up a notch. We had the Mellor family over for Christmas Eve and went to my Mom's for Christmas Day then a quick visit at a Mellor house on the way home. I thought I would sleep like a rock that night but no. Yesterday (Dec 26th) my sister Lisa and niece Kira arrived on a red eye from Seattle. Kira didn't seem affected and Lisa held it together. I took a long nap.

Last night the kids, James and I had a hair removal party. Sander cut James' hair first with scissors, mullet, monk's ring, then I buzzed it off. Phoebe cut my hair, short Cleopatra bangs, short all over, then James buzzed it off. We have photos. I'll post something soon either here or on Beeboo. James actually thinks I look good buzzed. And I have to admit if feels pretty good and nice not to have to deal with all that thick hair. I tried on all the hats from Christmas which seem HUGE and am happiest right now in a little cashmere skull cap that Mom had bought me or nothing at all. At the hospital I was hatless and quite comfortable. At work as long as I'm warm I think I'll do the same. The wig may be set aside for now. At night I flipped back and forth between nothing and the hat, hot... then cold... then hot again. Without the hat my hair stuck to the pillow case like velcro. But, soon that won't be an issue as eventually we'll need to shave.

Quick note about the Reiki. It was really quite nice. Mom's massage therapist is wonderful, very calm and kind. She spent well over an hour with me and by the end I was feeling very soothed and relaxed. Within an hour of getting back to my house I was tense and achy again. I think I need to live on the heated massage/Reiki table for the next 4 months and all will be well.

Thanks for your patience in watching for this update and sorry for the delay. Life got in the way. Hope your Christmas was happy too! Beth

Reiki

2007-12-21T08:47:00.000-05:00

Mom is taking me for Reiki this morning with her massage therapist. I'm interested to see if it will help with continuing discomfort from chest tubes and thoradectomy surgery. I'll let you know how it goes. I have the nausea pretty much under control now so looks to be one week bad, one week good for each chemo treatment. Still tiny moments of discomfort but not bad. Hopefully I'll be able to drink more water next time and "dilute" the side effects. My next treatment is Dec 27th. I've decided to zip off the hair on Dec 26th. I'm thinking of gifting the kids some hair scissors for Christmas and letting them experiment with cuts before we buzz. How often in life would you have free reign to play with hair cuts on your Mom?

Sleep has been questionable. I don't know if it's caused by anti-nausea drugs, food choices, or just too much to think about. Last night I fell asleep after 11 PM and woke at 5 AM for no reason. The night before was worse. Lot's of laying about. Wish I could have one good long deep nights sleep. Ah well, maybe Santa will bring me sweet dreams for Christmas.

Back with a Reiki update later in the day. Beth

Better and Better

2007-12-18T12:25:00.000-05:00

By yesterday midday I was feeling under control. I could speak to people with emotions under control and nausea was fairly light. I have been eating baby meals and lots of saltines and ginger ale. I actually sipped on a little egg nog last night watching the kids hang the ornaments on the tree. Today I woke and decided I'd give work a shot. James drove me in around 10 AM and I'll hitch a ride home with Andy around 2:30 PM. I just took a nice mix of meds that has me comfortable so feel like I should be able to maintain for the afternoon.

Phoebe turns 13 today (yikes) so we have a few family coming over for dinner. I've left it up to everyone else to pull it together and feel like it'll be this way through the holidays and beyond.

For future planning I'm envisioning chemo treatment on Thurs, feeling ok. Neulasta shot of Fri, still ok til late afternoon/early evening when queaziness starts. Sat and Sun I'll be non-functioning.... heavy nausea... overtired.... crying if you make eye contact with me or try to talk on phone. Mon AM still not fab but better. Decent by midday Monday. So. What I'd like is a new drug to add to my mix that'll sedate me from Fri evening til mid day Monday. Just tuck me away in a bed with some depends and ice chips. I'll be good to go.

And, Cousin Rob, I skipped ahead after your comment to the chemo chapter. I have nothing to whine about. Man, I don't know how Lance survived his treatment. Much stronger person than I. My treatment is no where near as intense and it definately puts it all in perspective. Love to you and thanks for the book! xox Beth

Bad Weekend

2007-12-17T08:50:00.000-05:00

No luck with no side effects. I have felt horrible all weekend through today, Monday. Worse nausea than when I was pregnant combined with crying jags and continuing ache/pain from chest tube spots. Ugh. I'm going to keep this entry short and go sip some ginger tea with honey. I've been trying to eat tiny light meals, but mostly living on ginger ale and saltines. The couch is my new home and sleep at night is difficult. I'm hoping things will get better today to give me a week or so before the next treatment. I can't imagine if I stayed this way throughout.... waaaa...

Chemo #1 down, 7 to go...

2007-12-13T13:43:00.000-05:00

Back from 1st chemo treatment. All went well. James kept me company. He gets the heebie-jeebie's in doctors offices and hospitals but I think I'm breaking him of this phobia. We all knew there had to be a greater purpose to my diagnosis, treatment, surgery, complications, etc. This must be it. By Summertime James will be completely comfortable in any medical situation.

I met with the onc NP and didn't have many questions as I'm so read up on things. Blood work all looked good. I took the first of the 3 day Emend tabs, was given IV anti-nausea meds, and have others to take as needed as well as with day 2 and 3 Emend's. Still amazing to me that one prescription totalling 3 pills cost over $300. $100 per pill seems pretty pricing but the onc nurse was saying that it's all worth it. She said since Emend came on the market they really don't have issue with nausea being such a huge side effect.

They injected the first drug through IV in the portacath, two huge doses of red liquid. I get to pee red and orange for the next day or so (may be too much info for some, sorry.) The second drug was a slow drip over half an hour by IV. This one gave me sinus pressure which the onc nurse said happens with 50% of patients. I've decided this is the one and only side effect I'll have during chemo treatment.

We stopped by the pharmacy on the way home and picked up the other 2 Emend tabs, some special toothpaste, mouth rinse, and soft toothbrushes as mouth issues are another side effect of chemo. After pharmacy we drove home. Kids had an early day off from school with snow starting midday. I made up a double batch of Lipton Extra Noodle Soup for lunch and split it between the 3 of us (James wasn't interested.) I was hungry and ate it quickly. It seems to be sitting well. What I really want is a steak... ah well, we'll see how the belly reacts to broth first.

Tis the Season

2007-12-13T06:38:00.000-05:00

I had a good appointment with the thoracic surgeon yesterday (sister Sue came along for company.) He's happy with my progress, happy with the chest x-rays, and doesn't expect to see me again. I did ask for one refill of the 4 hr oxy's just in case I can't wean myself off by the time the first set (5 pills left...) are gone. I'm taking the last of the 12 hr tabs at night then will switch to 4 hrs at night. Will only take during the day as needed. And, am going to test out a schedule of ibuprophin & tylenol that the NP is recommending. Both thoracic surgeon and NP would like to see me get off the narcotics as quickly as possible. I was happy to hear from the med onc that they don't conflict with the chemo treatment so if I need to use them for a bit I can.

Did some Christmas shopping with Sue, to work for a bit, then met sister Linda for a bit more shopping. Linda and Sue did a quick exchange with me and Linda drove me home with one "quick" errand on the way.

James had dropped off the prescriptions that I needed filled for the first chemo treatment (9 AM this AM!) yesterday morning at the pharmacy. They were supposed to be ready yesterday afternoon by 2 PM. I went to pick them up early last night and at first they weren't ready then one was missing. It was the anti-nausea med. I told them I absolutely had to have that one. I can't even imagine the pain of throwing up with my chest and ribs still hurting. Nausea I can deal with. They had a hold on it until the med onc who'd prescribed it contacted my health ins company. And they couldn't reach either. Ugh. I was ready to pay for the pills out of pocket but they said it was over $300 and weren't ready to charge me. When they couldn't resolve by phone and I was standing at the counted saying I need this for 1st chemo at 9 AM tomorrow (today) the pharmacist made the decision to give me the first pill in series and told me have the med onc call today and we'd resolve the issue then I'll swing by after chemo to pick up rest of pills. I believe he said it's a set of 3 pills and they gave me the $100 day 1 without taking any payment. Tis the season for acts of kindness even if you're a pharmacist working for a large corporation! I'll pay it forward.

Today chemo and if I'm feeling up to it I'll post and let you know how it goes. Tomorrow I have an appointment at a wig shop. James and the kids want red or blond. I told them I might live dangerously and get brown with gray highlights... short either way I think. I'd like to keep it simple and light weight. I'm hoping my pals Loan and Themia might be able to come and assist. Who knows what I'd pick on my own! See you in a bit. Beth

Weekend Update

2007-12-10T09:51:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the huge lapse in posts, only 4 days but seems like forever. I had a nice weekend with the kids and James. They went out yesterday and got a Christmas tree. Still on the front porch but it's a bit closer to the living room. I did some shopping with Mom on Saturday at the Mall and yesterday with the kids at the Heiffer Project. I feel the need to get things purchased before my Thursday appointment for first Chemo session. I'll need to go out again this week as I'm not quite done. Online purchases are also a possibility and may be a necessity for the kids big gifts. I've been at a loss so have asked them directly what they want and they're still thinking.... so Amazon may be part of the equation.

I'm still taking pain meds at night but have tried to stop them during the day. I'm quite uncomfortable but not in serious pain. I don't know how to describe it. I still take the pain meds at night as I'm much more comfortable sleeping. I'll see the thoracic surgeon for a check-up on Wed and hope to be able to verbalize my discomfort. Maybe there's some drug out there that would make me more comfortable than the pain meds. Who knows. One of the reasons I'm trying to stop using the drugs is that I can drive myself around. I'm actually going to give work a shot today on my own. It's icy out, kids have a 2 hour delay and James is sanding the driveway. Our road is horrible still but James says the rest of Princeton seems fine. I'll get to work and see how long I last. Andy, if you're reading this I'm on my way!

Lazy Day

2007-12-06T14:12:00.000-05:00

I worked yesterday for almost 3 hours. Managed to get the alumni newsletter formatted. This was after an early AM dentist appointment. Mom chauffered me to the dentist, then work, then pick-up and home again. Thanks Mom!! I was exhausted when I got home around 1:30 and slept until the kids came home from school.

Last night I woke up twice in quite a bit of pain and discomfort. I took the 4 hr oxycodone both times and fell back asleep. This morning when I woke I was still feeling very overtired, uncomfortable, pain on left side ribs right under breast. It has to be the chest tube spot where they'd moved things aside. I don't know why it hurts more some days/nights than others. And, why the long acting meds weren't doing their job last night. I made the decision to stay home today. Did a little work on the laptop. Took a nap. Took some meds. I'm feeling a little better but still wiped. I'm wondering now if it has anything to do with the flu shot and pneumonia vaccination I got at the clinic on Monday.

I finally wrote my letter of complaint about my surgical nightmare to the Patient Care Services department at the hospital. I've been meaning to do it for the past month but kept putting it off. Finally sat down and two hours later popped it in the mail. I've said all along that I realize mistakes can be made (we're supposed to call it a "complication" not a mistake.) But, I feel like some bad decisions were also made throughout my first "complication" and hospitalization and they need to be addressed. So my letter's in the mail, James had sent his and we'll see where this takes us.

Sander and Phoebe had a half day of school today. They're cleaning rooms... moving toys out of living room upstairs to free up wood stove. Maybe a wood fire tonight!

Work tomorrow. A friend, Sue, is going to pick up and deliver me to Tufts then return me back home again. I would say that I'm getting spoiled but it'll also be nice to hop in my car on the spur of the moment and run an errand or two. Hopefully by the end of next week I'll be off the pain meds but if next week is anything like last night I could also be calling for refills.

Mini Update

2007-12-04T13:25:00.000-05:00

Back home from work. James got me in to the office for 10 AM, I worked until 12:30 PM then Andy gave me a ride home. It was fine at work. Just when I started getting a little uncomfortable it was time to go. Felt like a toddler on the ride home as my eyes kept wanting to close. I'm going to nap for a bit now then when the kids get home help Phoebe with her cell project. Tomorrow brings an early morning dentist appointment. I alsmost cancelled but can't do any dental work once chemo starts so may as well get it over with. From there I'll go to work and see how long I last. Beth

Back to Work

2007-12-04T09:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday went well. I actually went in to the hospital for a Dr's appointment and left on the same day. I have to admit I was a little paranoid walking in to the building. Amazing not to be admitted.

Dr. Navid thinks all is going well. She checked out all the incision spots, etc. and all look good. She reviewed all the medical records and test results. Had me do more bloodwork to double check white cell count and crit. I got a flu shot and pneumonia vaccination. I'll see her again in one month to check progress. She asked me how much time I was planning on taking off from work.... I said, actually, I'm on my way in to the office after this appointment. I've been out of office for way too long. Even if I only work for an hour or two a day it'll be an improvement. I'm also setting up a spot at home to work out of the house as needed.

Mom drove me from Dr's to work. We walked in to the office and found two massive baskets of food from Trader Joe's plus a few bags. Amazing! Andy had started the gift and many other people donated as well. James was most excited by the coffee (we've been out for a week) and Captain Crunch (not from Trader Joe's I think!) The kids were thrilled with chocolate advent calendars and the make your own ginger bread house kit. I love the teas amongst everything else and had a bowl of kashi for breakfast, yum. Work had also included in the get well gift a gift card for trader joe's in case I ever run out of food, and a gift card for barnes and noble bookstore. Thank you so much! What an amazing surprise. Andy packed it all into Mom's car and James put it all away when he came home. After such a busy day I ended up bonding with the couch yet again from 3 PM til bedtime... what a slug.

Today James is giving me a ride in to work for a couple hours, then back home to help Phoebe make an edible 3-D cell. Thanks for checking in, I'm doing well. Hope you have a good day too! Beth

Cross Fingers Back to Work

2007-12-02T16:58:00.000-05:00

I've had a nice weekend although still messing about with pain issues from the surgeries. Yesterday I stayed the entire day at the church fair with sister Sue. It was nice, I spent most of the time in a chair behind the table, visited with people who'd heard about my ordeal and could be normal with people who hadn't heard. With jewelry sales of the day I'm happy to say that Santa will be able to visit our house again this year. Thanks to Sue for working the day for me!

Today, I've been pretty close to couch. I think my body & mind were tired from being out and about yesterday. Phoebe had some friends pop by to help with chores then off to hang out with them up the street and work on homework. Sander helped his dad with firewood this AM then stacked midday here at home to beat the tonight's snowstorm. This afternoon I rewarded him with a friend over our house.

Tomorrow I have an 11 AM appointment with my primary care physician. I'm hoping to get feedback on my recovery and how my wounds are healing. In the back of my mind I dread that she's going to find something to admit me to hospital... if I manage to make it out of the clinic I plan on going in to work for a couple hours. Mom's going to drive me to the Dr. then to work. My coworker Andy is going to give me a ride home. I feel like if I get through the day tomorrow I'll be getting a bit of my life back. Bizarre to have been out of work for an entire month. I don't think I've been away from work for that long since high school.

Wish me luck....

Back in the Studio

2007-11-30T13:05:00.000-05:00

I spent a little time in the studio at the torch last night testing out this new sliced up body to see if I can be comfortable at the torch. And, yes, it is possible. I made some beads that I'm actually happy with. I definately tire more quickly but it was fun to feel myself get back in the creative groove. Tomorrow I've recruited sister Sue to help me with the little Congregational Church Fair that I do every year. I have some jewelry in stock, not a huge amount but respectable. My husband James is going to help set up and break down the display. I'm going to plan on being there and see how it goes. If too tiring I'll leave it in Sue's capable hands. James is happy to see me back on my feet and playing in the studio. I think he needed that to feel like I was truly recuperating. He even kept me company in the studio last night, normally I'm on my own (which can be nice as well.)

Monday I'm planning on going in to work for a few hours. I'm going to take in a new job (the alumni newsletter which follows a preset design so nothing complex) upload a web revision that should have been done before I'd left for the first surgery, and gather equipment needed to set up a mirror workspace at home. For the rest of the week I hope to be in each day for partial days, maybe longer each day until I work back up to full-time. I'm actually excited to get back. It's been a month this week that I've been off sick and I'm sick of it :o) but I'll let my body dictate how much I do and will now over-do it, honest!

I've still been moving slowly at home but am still up and around the house. Hardly laying down and napping at all anymore although you may find me in a state of recline on the couch resting. It's usually around the med-shift-change when I'm waiting for something new to kick in. Not severe pain any more but still heavy discomfort at times. Still changing dressings on one of the chest tube sites. Last time it all healed up so quickly and neatly. This is not so neat but normal (after chatting with the surgeon's office) so I'll continue on until it's all healed up. Nothing that will keep me from work or play!

Tomorrow's the first day of Dec and I never picked up advent calendars for the kids, damn... Whoo Hoo James... you near a pharmacy??? All for now. Enjoy your day! Beth

Quiet Time

2007-11-29T14:14:00.000-05:00

Quiet day today with Sander back at school, rainy and dark outside. The heats coming up a bit so the house feels cozy. I did a few things around the house this morning, folding laundry, washing dishes, picking up tables and counters. Broke for lunch of tomato juice, nice chunk of cheddar cheese, and an orange. Sitting for lunch broke my burst of energy so I've been slugging for a bit watching bbc america. Mom popped by for a visit after calling to say she was running to the grocery store. She picked up some perishables (sp?) for me, juice, bread, eggs, etc. as well as some boxes of Edy's frozen fruit bars. I think a strawberry pop is in order then maybe a visit to the studio. I still feel like I'm healing, aches and pains are a bit better every day.

On the medical front a couple of the chest tube sites have opened so I checked in with the thoracic surgeons office. All normal, need to change dressings as needed to keep dry and watch for infection. It helps that I'd been given IV antibiotic before leaving hosp and am on pill form for a couple weeks so as long as I keep it clean should be ok. Always something.... Hope you're all enjoying your day, thanks for checking in. Beth

Another Good Day

2007-11-28T17:56:00.000-05:00

Sander kept me company again today with a low running fever. I'm hoping he'll be better by tomorrow, tough to catch up when you miss too many days of school. I'm starting to feel the same way about work. It'll be a month out this week from the day I left for the first surgery. I called to check in and am crossing fingers that I'll be able to go back on Monday with a short day lengthening slowly until I'm back full-time. I was given leave to work on my release paperwork from the hospital but can't drive until I'm off the narcotic meds.

I slept ok last night. Started out on Sanders lower bunk, he'd been in with James my entire stay at the hosp and was nervous sleeping on his own again. I fell asleep and started in on a repeating falling nightmare, dreaming that I'd wake up, get out of the bed, fall down stairs, then be back in the bed again. This cycled 8-10 times to the point that when I actually did wake up I lay in bed for a few minutes afraid to get up. I finally braved the trip downstairs and sat with James until he was ready to go to sleep. I was actually nervous about falling asleep again. I did finallly go back to sleep 4 hrs solid, up for meds, and another 4 hrs solid. Better sleep than in the hosp being woken ever hour or two. And no residents checking on me at 5 AM. Nice.

This AM I watched a Harry Potter movie with Sander then puttered around the house. Mom came over for a visit. I was more comfortable being up and about than sitting with her so continued to putter around her. After Mom left I did feel like I'd over done it so rested on the couch and fell asleep. When I woke up I felt normal and hopped off the couch a bit too quickly, was surprised by the pain. I do still need to move slowly. All-in-all a good day. We enjoyed left overs from gifted dinners for dinner, yummy stuffed shells and chix parm.

Thank you to all for the cards, food, well-wishes, and love. I know I've said this before but this time truly believe that I'm getting better and stronger every day. xox Beth

Home-Sweet-Home v.2

2007-11-27T15:59:00.000-05:00

I'm back home again and can't tell you how good it feels. It was an unbelievably long week and I'll be happy if I never have to stay in the hospital again. I've experienced the best and the worst of our health care system. I'm in pain and moving slowly but feel better than any one given day in the past 3 weeks. I'm pumped full of pain drugs, antibiotics, and new blood. My oncologist asked them to give me yet another couple pints while in hosp in prep for chemo. Tests this AM show my crit is now up to 32.5! My pre-Nov 2 surgery high of 38.5, can't ask for more.

I have scars now all over my upper body. The incision for the lung surgery is about 8-10" horizontal accross my mid left back. Three chest tube incisions about 1" ea. A few other little incisions that are from what? Who knows.... Plus the original portacath site, new portacath site, and lumpecomy incision. I'll be on the lookout for an interesting story come bathing suit season...

I'm hanging out with the kids right now in the living room watching Myth Busters. I'm sitting up, cross legged on the couch. Last time I was home from hosp I think I was laying down on this same couch for 2 weeks straight unable to move, breath, live. It feels like this time I might be able to rejoin and participate in our family life even if it is even just hanging out watching the TV. And, now I do feel like I can get myself strong for chemo which has a new start date of Dec 13th.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, positive energy and well-wishes. It's great to be home! Beth

Hip Hip Hooray!

2007-11-27T12:07:00.000-05:00

Susie here again, Beth is going home! I just spoke with her, at about noon, and she was waiting for a final boost of antibiotics to flow through the IV before they set her loose. She sounded great and was happy to have a shower at the hospital. Nothing beats that shower fresh feeling after a whole week in a hospital bed. Mom happened to be visiting so will give Beth a ride home where Sander is home sick with James. They can lie on the couch and rest together :-)

One more night...

2007-11-26T13:53:00.001-05:00

Susie here again. Looks like they will be keeping Beth in the hospital tonight. They are a tad worried about a fever she's had on and off. They were slightly concerned it could be an infection in the portacath but it's not red and swollen or painful so they doubt that's it. Because the surgery was in the lung area they said it's fairly common to have a fever post-surgery. They gave her an antibiotic this morning to help stiffle anything that might be happening. She is still working through the pain management, had a tough night last night testing out what it would be like to use just the pills and give up on the liquid pain meds. Wasn't good. So she talked with the team this morning and is going to try out a longer lasting pain medicine, something that lasts 12 hours which can be subsidized with other things in between as needed. Hopefully that will allow better sleep through the night and better overlap to keep pain at bay. Thanks as always for your comments and for checking in!

Sunday Update from Susie

2007-11-25T16:43:00.000-05:00

Hi all. Beth is doing well today. The epidural was removed this morning and she is now on a combination of regular pain pills spaced out to provide adequate coverage. We hope that she will be ready to go home tomorrow but only if the pain is manageable. I was there visiting earlier today and was happy to witness her last tube being disconnected! So she is currently tube free, finally free of the IV, among all the other things. She was excited to move about freely and is anticipating a visit from the physical therapist to test out stairs etc. So if all goes well tonight she will hopefully be at home in her own bed tomorrow night. Her last blood cell count check was decent, 24, compared to the last time they sent her home from the hospital which was 19. No wonder she was tired. Thanks for checking in, we'll definitely post the happy news when she is released!

Saturday morning

2007-11-24T09:49:00.000-05:00

Hi, it's Lisa again, this time writing from Seattle, where I returned late last night. Beth sounds good on the phone. She had a rough night because the epidural machine stopped working and so she experienced the full pain from the surgery area, chest tube, and all. She said it was terrible. After a while an anaesthesiologist came upstairs and gave her a shot of the epidural drug, which provided near-complete relief within a minute. But the machine is working again now. This morning they took out the chest tube. So I think going home is mostly now a matter of figuring out the pain management. Better living through medicine...

Beth is okay this morning

2007-11-23T09:03:00.001-05:00

Hi, it's Lisa writing from Massachusetts where I've been visiting for Thanksgiving. Susie and I ended up driving back to the hospital last night when we heard from the recovery room nurse that Beth was looking for Sue. We were very glad we did because, contrary to what we had been told to expect, she was wide awake and experiencing pain. It took a little while but the anaesthesiologist adjusted the dosage in the epidural and she got some relief. We kept her company and fed her ice chips and tried to distract her with a few funny stories.

After she returned to her room around 1:30 am we camped out there and tried to support her as best we could, despite our status as outlaw visitors (visiting hours end at 8 pm). Beth is an amazing advocate for herself--despite her frustration and pain she manages to hold so much information about her situation and share it so clearly and tactfully with her caregivers. It feels challenging that there are always new nurses and other caregivers who don't know Beth's recent medical history, which has to be explained yet again. And recent complications have created a certain amount of mistrust. She managed to sleep from 3:30 to 5:30 am, when someone came in to check on her.

The epidural seems to be managing the pain from the surgery well, and Beth looks pretty good this morning despite it all. She enjoyed a fruit cup for breakfast after four days of clear liquid diet, and yesterday not even that as she waited all day for surgery. Let's all hope her body will heal smoothly from this operation and she'll be able to get the chest drain out on schedule in a couple of days, and return home soon after that. Thank you for your love and support.

Beth is out of surgery

2007-11-22T22:00:00.000-05:00

Beth is now out of surgery but as of 8PM would be recovering in the surgical unit for about 3 hours. They hope to move her back to her original room but no guarantee. Her surgeon came out and spoke with us for quite a while. He felt very confident that he removed all of the clots that were causing problems around the lung. He said they will definitely be managing her pain very carefully, she will actually continue to be on an epidural for a few days to be sure she is comfortable during this intense healing stage. He assured us she will get a restful evening and we will be able to see her in the morning. Let's all pray that this is the last invasive procedure Beth will have to endure and that it fixes this problem for good. We hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and thanks for your positive thoughts, keep 'em coming!

Beth's going into Surgery

2007-11-22T17:10:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday at 5pm. Beth is going into Surgery now. The Surgeon is going to clear out the blood clot from the chest cavity. This should take a 2+ hours. We hope Beth will be back in her room tonight.

Waiting for Cat Scan results...

2007-11-21T21:03:00.000-05:00

Sister Susie here again. Sorry for the delay in posting some news but not much has been happening since my last post (besides Beth being on a pain roller coaster, very frustrating trying to stay medicated properly). Beth had a bit of a tough night last night in the beginning, was in a lot of pain and it took a while to find the right medication to ease it. Finally she received a double shot of morphine and that helped, she was able to get some sleep. Today started off with a chest xray, more medication, still on the clear liquid diet. There was a large torture session this afternoon when they took her from the room to perform a heart test in preparation for the chemo. Unfortunately this was incredibly painful for her. We don't understand why they had to continue with this test for chemo treatment when they're still trying to solve the current problem and she is so obviously uncomfortable. She had been waiting for a Cat Scan all day today and finally went down for one early this evening (with her friend Loan who happened to be visiting, thanks Loan!) Now she waits for the surgeon to review the Cat Scan results and make a decision if further surgery is necessary. We hope to hear by the morning. Please keep Beth in your thoughts. I'll try to update in the AM when I know more.

Beth's out of surgery

2007-11-20T13:28:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone, Susie again. It's now 1:30PM Tuesday. Beth went into the surgical unit this morning to have a new chest drain inserted. She's been back in her room recovering for a few hours. She is looking good and feeling better, just had some broth and sorbet. Luckily they were able to give a good local anesthesia so she didn't feel much of the procedure. Now they wait and asess again, hoping to get all of the fluid out. There is a slight chance that some clotting may remain but hoping that the drain will clear everything out. If the clots don't leave via the chest drain there is a chance they would need to surgically remove them. Hoping that won't happen. Looks like she'll be here for turkey day, they don't expect to release her until Thursday eve or Friday. Still have a lot to be thankful for. Thanks for checking in!

Mini Update from Susie

2007-11-20T06:32:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry if we kept everyone on pins and needles last night, my home internet connection failed me. Beth had a cat scan last night and they weren't going to make any decisions until this morning. It's only 6:30AM so I don't want to call the room quite yet, hopefully she's been able to get some sleep. I'm off to the airport to pick up our Seattle sis, Lisa (hooray! more support for Beth!), she's due to arrive at 7AM. Then we'll head straight to the hospital. We'll try to update the blog today if we can once we get news. Fingers crossed, PLEASE not another chest drain. But whatever it takes to get Beth healthy...

Update from Susie

2007-11-19T16:26:00.001-05:00

I'm giving a brief post after speaking with Beth, Linda and Mom at the hospital. Unfortunately the news is not great, it looks like Beth will have to have another chest drain. The xray did not show good enough results and they are concerned about fluid buildup. Huge bummer, poor Beth is just waiting, been waiting all day, for a procedure that she knows first-hand is horribly painful. UGH. I spoke with them at about 4PM and they were waiting to go into a room at UMass Medical (she's now at the UMass teaching hospital, not Memorial). Once they go into a room they'll be getting more info on the timing of the procedure. Tough news for Beth and all of us who love her. Please send her loving thoughts to keep her strong!

Back to Hospital

2007-11-19T08:38:00.000-05:00

My son had a playdate with the head group practice as UMass Memorial. My primary care physician is one of his docs. James told him on drop off about my medical issues and he casually checked me out when dropping Sander back off. He's very concerned and urged me to contact my primary care physician for more chest x-rays and bloodwork.... So I contacted my doc this AM who says she actually sees that my most recent chest x-ray looks worse than previous and this was noted by the radiologist who read the film. So why did the thoracic surgeon say it looked fine? She wants me back in for another chest x-ray to compare and more blood work to check that my count is up enough after the transfusion on Friday. I have to go in for tests then stick around until she has time to read them and meet with me. It'll be a few hours at least. I'm going to have James and Sander (they'd planned a guys day off together today) drop me at UMass then hopefully pick me up again after a bit. My worst fear is that they'll want to keep me but I'm trying not to think about it.... I'll have my cell phone although they'll be instances that it may be off. Call if you'd like to check in. xox Beth

Day After

2007-11-17T09:43:00.000-05:00

The day after blood transfusion brings renewed energy. My lungs still feel like toast but now that my hearts not racing and I'm not constantly out of breath I'll work with the "Airlife" apparatus to work on lung strength and get rid of the constant feeling that I have to cough.

The blood transfusion went well but it was a full day event. They wanted me to come in as quickly as possible when I got the call. I was ushered in to the back spaces of the oncology clinic where they give chemo. It's a huge block of little individual cubbies with recliners, guest chairs, little tv sets, curtains for privacy, and lot's of light. It was also warmer than the front clinic space but I still think I'll bring my super soft blue blanket from sister Linda to keep me warm during chemo treatment. Wish I'd had it with me yesterday. It took 1.5 hrs for them to match my blood at the blood bank after taking a sample. They used the portacath-from-hell for the first time. Access seemed very easy and after tapping into it and taping access down so it wouldn't shift was quite comfortable. Mom dropped me off, I called Linda for pick-up thinking it would be pretty quick once blood matched but no. Each bag of blood takes 2 hrs to transfuse to 4 hrs total after the 1.5 hr wait. Linda came and kept me company for a while (w/cups of hot choc from Starbucks, yum.) She contacted Mom when leaving, I fell asleep when switch to bag-o'blood-2 and woke up to have Mom sitting nearby reading. Pretty groggy and tired last night but woke up this AM feeling good.

James continues to be stressed by my treatment to date on a number of levels but is trying to hold it together. This weekend he's at Mom's house to finish the paint job for Seattle sister Lisa's visit on Tuesday. Best for him to keep busy I think, then he'll come home to cater to me. Hopefully I'll be able to give a bit back soon...

Sander's cousin Nick is taking him to the Lego Robotics Tournament today. I'm sorry that I'm missing it but didn't want to push myself. We got him up and out of the house at 7 AM. 10 AM now and pre-teen Phoebe is still sound asleep upstairs. I'll be waking her up soon to dig in to a huge school project that we'd lost track of with my many health crisis'. I explained to the teacher how my health issues have disrupted our lives a bit and she was happy to extend the deadline for Phoebe.

Nothing else on my plate (other than getting my lungs up to speed) until a Nuclear Medicine Heart Test on Tues in prep for Chemo the following week. Wish me luck, breathe deep, and enjoy the day. Beth

Transfusion

2007-11-16T09:59:00.000-05:00

I'm off to the hospital for a blood transfusion. The med oncologist is worried after reviewing the blood work from yesterday (as am I.) So, she said if I'd like to feel better for the weekend come in to the clinic as quick as I can and they'll match me up for 2 bags. All sounds good to me and thank you again to all the blood donors out there, don't know what I'd do without you. Beth

More Tests, Yummy Food

2007-11-15T17:07:00.000-05:00

When it rains it pours and it's been pretty Seattle-rainy here today. Nice day to snuggle down inside which I did for most of the day. My best pal Loan from High School stopped by for lunch today with a bag of declicious soup and salad from Panara Bread and many more bags from Trader Joes with anything I could ever think of wanting, needing, or craving. Sweet, salty, frozen, fresh, it's all here. What a pal! And we had a nice visit on top of it. No muscle spasms today.

I had emailed the nurse practitioner this AM to ask what my blood count was pre-op so I could have something to base these lower counts on. I also asked (per question from sister-Sue) whether family members could donate blood just in case I needed an infusion. Answers were 38.5 pre-op level... scary answer, so hosp-release count was half that. No wonder I'm so damn tired. And, no, they prefer not to have family members donate blood, but, my questions did seem to intiate more dialog between surg-onc and med-onc. They decided to have me venture out in the rain today (thanks to Mom) for more blood. They're going to run a bunch more tests and if the results are in my favor they might be able to juice me up with some kind of super-iron IV. Cross you're fingers that whatever they're looking for is there. I doubt I'll be able to get the count up myself if it's only increased by 2 since release from hosp.

James is home now, kids are settling in to homework, wonderful girl scout family dropped off a full dinner from meat loaf (perfect for my iron count) to delicious pie for dessert. No matter how bad things can get, life can still be good. xox Beth

Mini-mini update....

2007-11-14T18:35:00.000-05:00

My blood work is back from pre appointment and still low.... was 19 in hosp now 21. They want it up to 25 by first chemo or might transfuse. Ugh. Recommended diet, red meat, lots of liquids, mini meals many times a day if my appetite is low. Will be working on it as I'd rather not have any more transfusions (although thank you to the kind soul who donated the blood used during the surgery crisis.)

Post-Appointment Update

2007-11-14T17:15:00.000-05:00

Just back from meeting with the Medical Oncologist. They've officially labelled me Stage II (T2N1). I start chemo on Nov 28th, every 2 weeks for 16 weeks. First 8 weeks is a mix of 2 chemo drugs, Adriamycin + Cytoxan. Second 8 weeks is Taxol alone. They give me an injection every day after chemo treatment of Neulasta to keep my blood count up. After chemo is complete I move on to Radiation and Hormone Therapy. I have 4 prescriptions for antinausia (sp?) and antianxiety meds and 1 prescription for a wig. Don't know if I'll want it or will wear it but may get it just the same. I do know if I'm going to be hairless December through March I'm going to need some snuggly warm hats. Dan & Sue & Mom, break out those knitting needles and find some oh-so-soft yarns for my naked little head.

During the appointment I asked appropriate questions (thanks for the book MK!) and feel very comfortable with the clinic and the oncologist as does James. I've spoken to quite a few women now who have had the same med onc that I've been given (too many women if you ask me.) She's assistant director of the breast clinic and seems to be a calm, confident person. I asked her opinion on a second opinion saying that it was recommended to me that I request one. She said always happy when people request this. She also noted that in my case, lowest level stage II, the treatment is fairly straight forward. She said she's seen plenty of 2nd opinions from Dana Farber so can tell in advance how they might be consistant or differ. I'll sleep on it but knowing the number of women who have breast cancer currently or had so in the past who have used the same clinic and same doc I feel comfortable moving forward (yet again).

Looks like Thanksgiving may be my last hurrah... Bring on the Turkey. Beth

2007-11-14T06:58:00.000-05:00

Today James and I go for the first official appointment with the medical oncologist. I'm hoping to have her help us navigate the most recent path report seen in post below and will be sharing with her my various pains and woes from surgery. I'm hoping that the longer surgery recovery won't interfere with the next steps of cancer treatment (chemo, hormone therapy, radiation, etc.)

I spoke to the thoracic surgeon's office yesterday. They took a look at the chest x-ray from Tues and said that all looks good. I mentioned the muscle pain/spasms and difficulty breathing because of this. They said, well yes, this can happen. We did after all have to go through the muscles and the ribs may have spread a bit. So, I'm to continue on with the breathing exercises and hopefully it'll all go away. This is where the percocet helps.

I tried yesterday, during the day, to stop taking percocet and use only advil. I uncomfortable and so became more tired. Today I'm going to try to split the percocet during the day using a half tab rather than cold turkey of yesterday. It may be a little easier to wean myself off this way. I'll still take a full tablet at night as sleeping is quite uncomfortable/painful at times. I just don't want to be dependent on the pain meds so will keep playing with the dosage and we'll see how it goes....

Mom and I went to Walmart yesterday. I needed a few things and could have called on one of the many people who have offered to help. But, it felt good to get out. I had my list, the trip was very quick and precise. Still exhausting... I'm looking forward to the day when I can hop in the car, do errands, or just do chores around the house without getting so damn tired. I think if I'd have been taking the pain meds it might have been a little easier.

My dear cousin-in-law, Mary Kay, overnighted me a book for the onc appointment yesterday. It has great information and presents good questions at the end of each section. I sped-read it last night and will be re-reading sections this AM. Feel like I'm back in school crunching for an exam although this one is a bit more important.

Last night, when back on pain meds, I drove Sander to his lego robotics meeting. Very close by, quick drive, used James truck as it's an automatic (and was parking my car in.) And it went quite well. The half dosage of percocet (I could be taking 2 tabs) keeps me comfortable without foggin my brain too much. I don't think I was a hazard on the roads... I think Sander enjoyed his Mom giving him the ride. So life continues on in baby steps.

I'll try and update again this afternoon/evening after the medical onc appointment. xoxox Beth

Surgery... Done.

2007-11-12T13:55:00.000-05:00

Mom and I went to meet with the surgeon today for follow-up. Everything looks good (to her), yellow, swollen, lately bruising breast (within the last 2 days) all normal. Monstrous blisters from surgical tape around chest tube healing. Muscle pain/spasm on left side normal. I'm exhausted (yet again) from walking around the hospital. I had a chest x-ray after appt with surgeon and will find out if all is ok with that and will have new bloodwork run before meeting with medical oncologist on Wed.

Post-op path report shows one of the 8 lymph nodes removed with micrometastasis (0.1 cm), so small that research has shown that it's not worth worry says surgeon. The mass removed is an "infiltrating ductal carcinoma, moderately differentiated." Tumor size is 2.1 x 1.0 x 1.0 cm. Necrosis is abscent. No lymphatic vessel or venous vessel invasion. In situ carcinoma present. Subtype: ductal carcinoma in situ, solid and comedoe types. Nuclear grade 2. Percent of total invasive tumor volume: 5%. EIC absent. Margins: negative (closest margin 0.3 cm superior). Skin involvement absent. Dermal lymphatic involvement absent. Primary tumor: T2. Regional Lymph nodes: pN1mi. Distant metastasis: MX. Associated findings: Changes consistent with previous biopsy. Fibrocystic change. Don't know if you can make much of the previous. I'll be asking questions about it on Wed with the Med Onc.

Off to nap AGAIN. Man, I'm pooped.... xox Beth

Spasms and Meetings

2007-11-10T08:15:00.000-05:00

I had a dear friend, Themia, bring over homemade Spanakopita yesterday for lunch. It's a delicious Greek spinach pie so lot's of iron. My sister was over at the same time delivering some meds (thanks!) and taking the dogs for a walk. It was a nice visit but throughout I was having these weird muscle spasms on my left side. I spoke to the doctor's office and they said, yeah, that can happen. Put warm damp heat on it. Linda and Themia set me up and I settled down for a rather painful looking nap as they left. They're on and off again now. James is thinking they might get better if I'm up and about a bit more so I'll give that a shot today. He has history of back spasms and moving around, although painful, is the only thing that works.

The first round of post surgery appointments has been set up. I see the surgeon on Monday, then a chest x-ray. Still need to schedule with the thoracic surgeon or atleast have him reveiw the x-ray. Then the medical oncologist on Wednesday.

I'm going to try my first cup of coffee this AM after tea-ing it for a week. I still haven't gone back to reading my "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" book yet.... feel like I need to read a "Crazy Sexy Surviving a Huge Surgery Glitch Tips" book first. Love to all. Beth

Clear Margins!

2007-11-09T09:26:00.000-05:00

I just spoke to my Nurse Practitioner. The margins are clear so I won't have to go back in to surgery to clean anything up. This is fabulous news! I just don't think I could have handled that right now. So continuing to move forward.... after a nap.... Beth

What a difference a day makes...

2007-11-08T10:19:00.001-05:00

I was exhausted all day yesterday, breathing was tight, chest was sore. Today, I'm feeling pretty good.

James took the pressure bandage (covering chest tube wound) off last night and I took my first shower although I had to sit through most of it feeling pretty light headed but am now clean. I had a good nights sleep last night only waking up once needing pain meds. I'm feeling like I'm finally recovering from surgery. Then, I'll be able to concentrate on fighting the cancer again. They've scheduled me to see the Medical Oncologist on Nov 14th so must think I'll be ready to move on by then. She's the one I'll discuss chemo and hormone therapy with. I still haven't heard back with lab results on the lumpectomy margins (whether they'd removed enough tissue surrounding the tumor to keep the remaining margins free of cancer.)

I thought I'd give a rundown of what I remember of the surgical events on Friday. If I'd just gone ahead with the lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy I'd be doing great right now. The nodes were negative, the lumpectomy is healing nicely, the surgeon had moved a bit of fat from my back through the single incision site to fill the void left by the mass which has also helped with healing. I guess that if they don't do this it could fill with fluid which could cause problems.

But, I'd asked about a portacath because I am a "difficult stick" in that when I give blood or need injections they have problems. With chemo looming over me I thought it might be a good idea to do this while I was in surgery. The surgeon agreed saying it's a common procedure with 1% risk of "dropping a lung" but I'd be in the hospital so this could be taken care of. I don't think she was talking about internal bleeding...

James was with me from 7:30 AM arrival at the hospital through 11:30 AM move to surgery. I went under anesthesia, woke in recovery, was told that the surgery went well and the nodes were negative. They were checking my vitals and noticed that I was complaining of pain breathing on the left side. They curtained my space off, called in many more doctors, residents, nurses, etc for consult. X-ray showed that my left lung was fluid filled by half when sitting up and fully when laying down. They moved me to an interventional radiology unit. A new surgeon was called in and after more x-rays, consults, and a stent being inserted up through my it was decided that the first portacath which was placed badly could be safely removed and a new one inserted. From there I was moved to the surgical ICU unit. They watched me, took more x-rays, found that now both seated and laying x-rays showed fluid filled lung. But, they decided that the fluid (blood) wasn't in the lung rather in the space surrounding the lung. It was getting increasingly difficult/more painful to breath on the left side. They made the decision to insert a chest tube for drainage around 11 PM, I'd been out of surgery since about 2:00-2:30 PM. The chest tube insertion was incredibly painful but I felt an immediate release of pressure from around my lung. I was told that I lost about a liter of blood onto the bed and just under another liter of blood went into the vacuum pump attaced to the unit. At some point they gave me blood since I'd lost so much.

James was in the waiting area of the hospital from 11:30 on. When I first came out of surgery he was told that I'd be able to go home from recovery. Then he was updated that I'd be kept overnight, there was a complication. My surgeon called him to say that they may have inadvertently placed the portacath in an artery instead of a vein. Then he heard nothing. He went to see if I'd been moved to the room # he'd been given. He returned to the surgical waiting area. He wasn't allowed to see me and wasn't kept informed about my complications or location. I understand that we are all human and make mistakes but do not understand why they couldn't have allowed him to see me for 5 minutes, keep someone with him, checking in with him, updating him... crazy. He seemed to remain uninformed throughout. He called my sister to take over for him when he thought his anger might interfere and my sister kept him updated from ICU. I'm impressed that he could curb his anger under these circumstances and that he could make the rational decision to remove himself from a volitile situation. He knew that Linda would be a good advocate.

I'll update on the rest of my hospital stay another day, this entry is getting rather long. Although, I do have to say that the ICU staff, and surgical recovery floor staff, nurses, residents, patient care attendents, were all wonderful.

Off to nap... Beth

Update from Phoebe.

2007-11-07T15:47:00.000-05:00

Beth's daughter Phoebe, here! Mum's been very tired, so she's a bit too wiped out to update the blog, so I'm going to type for a bit. My grandmother's been coming over and helping out, and I've been getting mum juice and water. We've recieved many generous gifts such as dinner, flowers, and desserts, and we're hoping to send out thank-yous very soon. We've got a fairly busy schedule, and mum can't really get up and drive me to a birthday party, for example. Instead, my dad drives me everywhere and we take the bus to school. We're starting to recover from the damage, but this may take a while. Thanks a bunch, and I hope that this won't totally wipe out mum and the rest of the family!

P.S. Our house is starting to look like a jungle with all of the flowers we've recieved!

Home-Sweet-Home

2007-11-06T03:56:00.000-05:00

I'm home, hurrah.

I'll enter more detail of the entire experience when I have more energey but for now just know that I'm home, resting and healing.

James and the kids are great, waiting on me hand and foot. I'm mostly down and out but need to move around a bit and start building my energy level back up. Low blood count doesn't help so need to adjust my diet and take some extra iron. Hopefully that'll make a difference. The meals people have delivered have been great (mostly for the family so far but my appetite should improve with time) thank you!

And, thanks to family for keeping me sane and everyone infomed during this fairly horrific experience.

Off to rest again.
Thanks for all the well wishes.
With love,
Beth

She's Home!

2007-11-05T18:17:00.001-05:00

Hooray!! Susie here. Beth's finally home after this long weekend of hospital torture. But seriously, thanks to all the nurses and doctors who were so kind and understanding, especially Kerri in the ICU.

I just sp0ke with Mom who gave Beth a ride home. The kids and James were eagerly awaiting her arrival. She's very tired, of course, and recovering from some Morphine they had to give her today. But such good news that she is at home and able to rest and recover without interuption (hopefully :-) Here's to a very quick recovery, may we all be thinking good thoughts for Beth! We love you Beth! Lot's of hugs and kisses.

Going home

2007-11-05T15:34:00.000-05:00

Hi, it's Lisa again, with the news that Beth's dressed and ready to leave the hospital, just waiting for the paperwork. Hooray!

Keep it upbeat

2007-11-05T14:23:00.000-05:00

Lisa here again, with a request from Beth that callers and visitors arrive with cheerful and light-hearted news and stories. It's hard for her to receive folks with wrinkled brows and heavy sympathy, or stories about their friends and relatives with cancer. Please do call or visit or send cards, but keep it upbeat and off-topic if you can! Thank you...

Looking good

2007-11-05T12:34:00.000-05:00

Hi, it's Lisa again, with happier news from Beth. The morning x-ray looked good and they removed the chest drain. She's mostly tube-free, with just one IV line. Taking a little nap right now and waiting for a 2 pm chest x-ray. If everything is stable at that time, she'll be able to go home. Yippee!

Sunday at the Hospital

2007-11-04T21:55:00.000-05:00

Susie here, I just got home from the hospital. I was happy to be with Beth when she got the good news on her 6PM xray report. The doctor said "good news", the air pocket in the lung looks like it's improved slightly. That is their main concern now, this bit of air that's trapped in the chest cavity. In the best case scenario it will absorb into her body and go away but they need to watch it to be sure it's improving. Beth was quite relieved to hear the news, it's been a stressful day imagining the idea of a new chest drain being inserted, awful. So hopefully the morning xray will bring even more improvements, fingers double crossed. Beth's spirits were up when I left, eager to catch some shut eye before the nurses wake her for one thing or another. They are also continuing to watch her blood cell count as it was low today. Hopefully Monday or Tuesday will be the day she can finally go home.

Thanks to everyone for your love and support, it's wonderful.

Sunday update

2007-11-04T17:40:00.000-05:00

Hi, it's Lisa again. Just talked with Beth. She's feeling okay and has spent a good deal of today sitting up. Phoebe and Sander came in with James for a visit this morning.

She and Mom are watching the Patriots play and waiting for a 6 pm chest x-ray. Apparently the chest drain has shifted and the docs are trying to figure out whether it can be taken out or if she needs a new one. The fluid seems gone but there is some concern about air in the same space now. Anyway, she's hoping to get home on Monday but it depends on what happens with the drain tonight. Keep holding Beth in your thoughts. She appreciates the support!

Out of ICU

2007-11-03T15:10:00.000-04:00

Hi, it's Lisa writing again. Beth continues to improve and has been moved to a regular room at the hospital. I talked with her a moment ago and she sounded like herself. The surgeon said to her today, "You gave us quite a scare last night!" Who was scaring who? Beth said she is feeling wiped out by all the painful procedures, but at least now is able to take the Percoset. James, Mom, and Sue are keeping her company. Still hoping to get the chest drain out soon and be able to go home on Sunday. We love you, Beth!

Saturday morning at the hospital

2007-11-03T11:13:00.002-04:00

Hi, this is Lisa with news from Susie at the hospital. Beth is resting in the Surgical Unit ICU after a very difficult day and night. Mom and Sue are with her. It turns out that the porta-cath they inserted during the surgery must have hit an artery instead of a vein. This caused internal bleeding in the cavity between her lungs and ribcage, which created pressure and trouble breathing. The surgeon put a drain into the area between her ribs and lungs late last night, and a lot of fluid drained out -- I think Linda said over a liter. Linda was with her all evening and into the wee hours. Beth has been in a lot of pain and the hospital staff has had trouble keeping her comfortable. They are trying to get her to eat something now so that she can take oral pain medication.

The porta-cath is in the right place now and the x-rays are looking better. They think the internal bleeding has stopped. Hoping the drain will be removed and that she'll be moved to a regular room sometime today. In the best case scenario she will go home on Sunday.

The good news is that the lymph nodes are all clear of the cancer. I know you are all holding Beth in your thoughts and prayers, and she feels your love and support.

More Time in the Hospital

2007-11-03T07:24:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone, Susie here again. It's early Saturday morning and I don't have the best of news to share from last night. It looks like Beth will be in the hospital for at least a few days. I'm heading over there now and will try to post an update once I know more. The stint (sp?) that she was having placed for easy access to her blood stream later during chemo had complications. They had warned us that there was a 1% chance of complications and unfortunately Beth is the 1 out of 100. Linda was with her late last night into the wee hours. The surgeon was concerned about Beth's exrays after the surgery, they didn't look quite right. After many hours of checking things out and no one seeing Beth in person, they determined the stint had indeed punctured a lung and Beth had internal bleeding and fluid in her lung. Couldn't sound worse, right? Please send Beth all your love and strength, it sounded like a very painful process. I promise to share more once I visit myself and get more info.

Another Hospital Update

2007-11-02T17:02:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone, Susie here again. Linda received a call from James at about 2PM today saying Beth was out of surgery and that she would be able to go home in a few hours. She then heard from him again at about 4PM when the news had changed and she is now being kept overnight at the hospital. We don't know any details and James had not seen her yet at that point. We're guessing that she just needs the extra time to recover from the anesthesia but don't know for sure. Hoping for the best as always, thanks for checking in.

Mini Hospital Update

2007-11-02T13:10:00.000-04:00

Beth's sister Sue here, trying to fill in the blog with the latest details. Linda received a call from James today at about 12:15PM. Beth had been in surgery for a half hour although Linda and I were unsure if this meant the initial procedure or the real scary stuff. When we spoke with the NP on Wednesday she described the worst part of the day would start with a series of needles going into the breast without novacaine, sounded pretty awful, right before surgery. She recommended Beth ask the anesthesiologist for a little something to take the edge off. I guess they can give you a pill to help ease the pain. Bring it on! I hope Beth remembered to ask for it, how could you forget. Anyway, I'll try to update the blog as soon as I hear any news. Until then....thinking good thoughts.

Mini Update

2007-11-01T19:40:00.000-04:00

I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 AM tomorrow so surgery will hopefully be over and done with early. I don't know how long the pre-op stuff takes. I was getting stressed and anxious at work today so left a bit early, picked the kids up at school, and took them out to buy some new sheets for all our beds. We also stopped by the bookstore. I had all intensions of buying books recommended by my wonderful cousin-in-law but it was a tiny bookstore and didn't have her recommended books in stock. I did however pick up "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" by Kris Carr with a foreward by Sheryl Crow. Wish me luck tomorrow AM.... neg nodes.... neg nodes.... neg nodes.... Beth

Surgery Scheduled

2007-11-01T09:34:00.000-04:00

It was a long day yesterday. Great to have two of my sisters with me for support. My Seattle sister was with us in spirit. (I'll give you a call today Lisa, hope Kira had fun trick-or-treating.)

We met with the full breast clinic team, the Surgical Oncologist (SO) that I've seen all along, the Medical Oncologist (MO), the Radiation Oncologist (RO), the Nurse Practitioner (NP), and a Psychologist. I've been meeting with the SO all along, but the MO and RO needed to do their own exams and everyone went through my full health history. My sisters loved all the doctors, especially my SO who has squeezed me in to her schedule for surgery on Friday, yes, this is tomorrow. After all the appointments with the surgical staff they had me do blood work, a chest x-ray, and pre-op check-in. It was a very long day but I'm happy that things are moving along. If the surgical appointment hadn't freed up on Friday the SO said that it could have been a months wait. I honestly don't know how I would have survived that. Amazing to think though that I had my first appointment at the Breast Clinic last Wed, diagnosed Thurs, and going in for surgery in just over a week.

It's been decided that the tumor is 1.8 cm in size (good), grade 1 (good), stage 3 (not so good) - edit to say that my wonderful cousin-in-law says that staging is done when the tumor is removed, she thinks this "stage 3" is "Stage 3 DCIS" which I think is correct. I need to refer back to my sister Susan's notes. It is HER2 negative and Hormone receptor positive (both good). The MRI showed that it was only in the one location although we won't know for sure about lymph node involvement until I'm in surgery. They'll do a sentinal node biopsy during surgery, checking the first few lymph nodes which drain from the breast. If those contain cancer cells they'll remove many more and my recovery from surgery will be much more involved.

After surgery they're still saying chemo (3 weeks out) although still not 100% on this. Then after chemo is radiation. I'm happy to do whatever it takes to get rid of the cancer in my body. Bring on the toxins...

I just received an email from my sister Susan with notes from yesterday. She writes so eloquently I'm going to clip some of her information directly below......

Linda and I were so happy we could be there with you yesterday. I was so impressed with all of the people we met with. Everyone really seemed top of their game, I guess that's the benefit of being at a teaching hospital. You definitely remembered the two key terms better than I did (the Estrogen positive and HER2). I hope my notes are a decent reminder of the conversations, I never was a good note taker in school but I did my best.

I thought I would throw out a few more thoughts to keep everyone in the loop on what we discussed yesterday. Linda and I loved the surgeon, a brilliant woman with a great bedside manner. She was a straight talker, really great. And she was able to get Beth in on Friday thankfully because of a cancelled seminar. The whole cancer center team was going in to a long afternoon meeting they have every wednesday to discuss all the new patients and make sure they concur with the course of treatment. It sounded very well thought out, caring, and proactive.

IF the chemo is deemed necessary it would start 3 weeks after the surgery and would happen every 2 weeks after that. The radiation is the final step, I believe, once the chemo is finished. I can't remember how long the chemo takes place, I want to say 6 sessions. Need those notes!

I'm not surprised Beth is tired, this has been such an exhausting process and yesterday was a long day at the hospital. We'll all need to pitch in and figure out when and how we can help and what the best kind of help will be. One homework assignment she was given was to spend 30 minutes EVERY day doing something just for her that she loves and makes her good. Something we should all be doing.

Beth again here. I'll try to list on this blog tonight when surgery is scheduled tomorrow so everyone can send their positive energy. I'm crossing fingers that lymph nodes are NOT involved but if they are we'll deal with it. And, it is getting easier for me to talk about things but I don't want the kids to be living in cancer central so let's talk about other things if you call or stop by. Visit here if you want an update. xox Beth

Waiting Game

2007-10-30T10:37:00.000-04:00

It's been a long few days since my confirmation of breast cancer last Thursday. I've had panic attacks, crying jags, and lot's of anxiety. I'm trying to keep it together at work and home so have been telling people the news by email. Totally impersonal but I can keep my emotions in check. Hopefully once I start treatment and feel proactive it'll be easier for me to talk.

Everything has happened quickly. I had had a mammogram in March with was read as normal, but it seems my breast tissue is dense and difficult to read. I went to my doctor two weeks ago after feeling something, she sent me to the breast clinic last Wednesday, they did an ultrasound and biopsy same day, sent me for another mammogram on Thursday and had rushed the path lab so had my biopsy results an appointment after the mammogram. It was all positive (really should be called negative shouldn't it? there's really nothing positive about it!) They weren't happy with the clarity of the new mammo either so sent me for an MRI on Friday

I'm scheduled to meet with the full breast clinic team at UMass Memorial on Wednesday (tomorrow.) Hopefully I'll receive my full prognosis and will be discussing potential treatment options. Two of my sisters will be with me. Preliminary conversations with the surgical oncologist have shown that I'll definitely need surgery, radiation, and chemo but, I don't know in what order or to what extent until I meet with the team of doctors.

I have many fears swirling around in my head. I wish the meeting were today....

Edited to add. I was digging around on the web and found this great blog, reading it has really relaxed me about the appointments tomorrow and it's also given me some good questions for the doctors. http://fighting-breast-cancer.com/